Don't speak the language? Never mind!

It's the winter holiday now and I'm in Poland. It's ridiculously warm here. It feels like early spring. This is the first time ever that I'm staying in a hostel. It's weird. I usually couchsurf when I travel but my host never responded to my messages so I booked a hostel instead. The past couple days I've been in Josseline's hometown, Korenov, which is up in the Jizerka mountains right on the Czech-Polish border. Jossi's parents fed me until I thought I would burst but the food was so delicious. Jossi's father is Lebanese and so he made fatayer, nammourah, and kufta. Jossi's mom made lots of Christmas sweets, schnitzel, and potato salad. I showed them how to make chocolate chip cookies and apple pie. That night Jossi's family opened their Christmas presents Jossi and I hiked up to this watch tower called Štêpanka. The air pressure made my ears hurt so much but we got used to the wind after a while. After we got home, we sat in the kitchen with a hot cup of tea and Jossi's mom told me the older German version of the Popelka (Cinderella). The wind was howling so much that it shook the house really hard. Later in the evening Jossi's brother and his family came and they opened their presents. Jossi's nephew really reminds me of Anas. They're around the same age. They have the same personalities. It really felt as close to home as I could get while being so far away. They welcomed me back any time especially when there is more snow so we can all go skiing. For now I'm sitting in the hostel in Wroclaw chilling with these two:

I'll spend the next day here and then I'll head to Kraków. :)

You can never have too much stuffing.

I know it's been a while since I last updated but it's been an extremely hectic month. Among teaching my flatmate and I threw a Thanksgiving dinner party for some friends. It felt so amazing to have cooked all that food because I've never cooked a turkey before let alone an entire dinner for 10 or so people. Now it's finished and we have so many leftovers but at least we won't have to cook for a week. Now things are calming down a little (just a little) and it's time to enjoy the Christmas season in Europe. Even though I don't celebrate I love the festiveness of any holiday and I find Christmas to be especially beautiful. I love going to the Christmas markets and wandering around for hours looking at the little trinkets and toys and eating toasty, sweet pastries. I am quite the happy kitty. This past Sunday, Mariia, Josseline, and I met up with Mariia's friend, Olga at the Christmas market at the museum and spent a couple hours there. I'm headed to Poland next week for a little more shopping (but not too much since I don't have a need for anything nor do I need to buy presents for anyone). Then there is a Christmas dinner that one of the foreigners organizations is throwing so people can experience a traditional Czech Christmas dinner (carp and some fish soup) so that will be nice. Then there are some films and other foreigners meetings I want to go to and Mariia and I still must figure out where we're going for the winter vacation. My plans change so frequently. It's just that there are so many options! First I wanted to go to Sarajevo (which I still want to but maybe in the spring), then we decided to go to Poland and now we're thinking about Barcelona or Amsterdam! I have no objections to any of those places but we're trying to stay on the cheap side. I would really wouldn't mind going to Amsterdam because that would mean I wouldn't have a problem finding yummy Indonesian food. :) And I've heard it's such a nice city so it would be lovely to walk around there for a couple of days. We'll see. Nothing is final until we buy the tickets. :)

Also I'm starting to look at jobs in Japan and South Korea. I've heard the pay there is good and as much as I love being in Europe, I would really like to pay off my student loans so that I can start looking into doing my master's degree (looking at a cool program in Spain but I have to improve my Spanish and learn Catalan). Either country would be cool and I think it would be quite cheap to fly to other places in Asia, say, Indonesia? :) It's too early to tell but I have another problem. I don't know how to nicely tell my bosses I won't be staying for another year. And it's not just about money, it's about my personal life as well. I think it's time to start looking for a nice Muslim guy and society here is quite limited. Life is complicated and it always will be but at least for now I can enjoy the sunset from the cafe where I'm sitting in Ulrichovo Namesti and only think about that delicious stuffing I'm going to eat once I get home. :)

Overflow and then depart.

I was out for my Saturday afternoon walk yesterday, trying to clear my head of all the large life questions that float so close to the surface on quiet weekends. I was listening to my iPod as usual. The sun was starting to set so I decided to catch a bus home. "Bad Religion" by Frank Ocean started to play. I feel I should preface this by saying it is not a song denigrating Islam. When he sang that first "Allahu akbar" I paused. I felt something hit my heart hard. I started to tear up.

Once I got home I did salah and Skyped with Kyla. On top of needing to speak to someone I felt had a good connection to our religion, I just plain needed my older sister. I knew she would have some words of wisdom and comfort for me. And of course, she did. I felt a lot better after talking to her. I know I need a little more time to think about things and to keep making du'a that Allah helps me figure out what my next move is and I know He won't abandon me as long as I don't abandon Him.

I also talked with Mladen who can always cheer me up by pointing out that I'm dramatic and overcomplicate things. He said to just stop thinking so much and go. It's one year, what could happen?

Today I received a message of love and support from my mom. I really needed all of this. I needed to cry. I needed to release this tension. I needed to be reminded that I'm never alone. I needed to cook a good dinner and finish it off with some chocolate. I needed my sister. I needed to see my silly nephew. I needed that message from my mom. Maybe I am a bit dramatic but this is a new experience in my life and it's difficult. I know I just have to keep pushing through and eventually I'll get to where I'm going, wherever that is.

Ship and sea analogies.

Rough sailing. Hardships (get it? Hard ships? Bad joke, I know), stormy seas, and all that. I'm sick...again. This is not really what I expected to be one of my bigger problems while living abroad. I talked to my boss and she said when Americans come over here they usually have a really tough time dealing with local virus strains. I feel so weak here sometimes. On top of that, the weather is so gloomy so frequently that my everything feels like it's standing still: time, life, my brain, my body. I can't do anything about the weather but as far as the illness thing goes I remember when I was younger, my parents would always tell me not to be so upset when you get hurt or sick because everything comes from Allah. It could be that this could have prevented me from doing something or to cleanse me of something physical or spiritual, I don't know. Maria gave me some medicine for my throat and nose so insha Allah, it will help. I'm trying to look at this in a more positive light. Hopefully when it's over I'll be a little stronger, a little brighter.

And with all these clouds, which frequently give me these headaches because I think I'm straining my eyes so much, it really makes me appreciate sunny days. Trying to stay positive is hard sometimes but nothing worth anything is easy.

On a more positive note, Maria and I went to Prague last night for a vegan cooking night. We met some more foreigners: a girl from Poland, a guy from Germany, a guy from Belgium, and a guy from Czech. It was fun and we had great a night just talking and enjoying dinner. It was really fun. I want more of these types of activities. It's so quiet in Hradec. I think it's time to move back to a larger city.

Climbing stairs in the dark.

I've been doing a lot of thinking (surprise, surprise), trying to figure out my next step in life. I kind of feel like I'm tapping my toes around in the dark, trying to feel for the next step. I know there is a step there but I'm unsure what is there exactly and yet I'm scared to step forward. But I can't stay in a dark stairwell forever.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. So much has happened in such little time. Let's try to recap:

1) Eid-ul-Adha, I was able to take off the morning to go to salah but when I tried to catch a bus to teach my afternoon classes, I found out the bus I would normally take doesn't go to that area. Cue panic. I had to find someone who spoke English who could maybe tell me the number of a cab company. Luckily I found someone and she helped me find a cab that, as it turns out, specializes in transportation for English-speaking foreigners.

2) Psychosomatic symptoms of stress are delivered in the form of strained neck muscles.

3) I went to the Prague Signal Festival with some friends from HK. It was really cool. There were all these light installations all over the city and some short films projected onto buildings. We returned to HK at 2 a.m. I was so exhausted.

4) I was swarmed by a group of second graders one morning and offered me parts of their snacks. I received several halves of biscuits, dried fruit, and some chocolate.

5) An older student called me a terrorist. I told him it was really hurtful and that I really work hard so that people don't think this about me and my brothers and sisters. I know he didn't really mean it but he's just the sort of person who doesn't knowwhen to stop with jokes. Another student hit him on the head and told him he was a stupid terrorist.

6) A student tried to kiss me. I deflected with a book. I believe it was innocent because he proceeded to tell me that I was a 1* (Czech school equivalent to a U.S. school's A+) teacher, giggled and ran off. It has happened before but he is getting a little old and I think his parents should probably have a talk with him.

Annnnd I think I want to move to Prague. I have been talking with my parents and friends and they think it's a good idea. I like being out in HK but it's just too small. It would be better if I was older and had a family but I'm not at that stage of my life just yet. And my chances of meeting someone (a romantic someone) out here are really slim. I think it's time for me to move on. I'm not finished searching. I still have a ways to climb.

Contrary to popular belief, I do have an off switch.

I am not an English grammar/spelling machine. I am not the grammar police once I step outside of the classroom. Once I leave the classroom I turn that switch off. My brain likes to think about different things like chocolate and my next cup of coffee or contemplating whether I should wear that sweater with the slightly smelly armpits or stick it in the wash and wear something else.

While at social events or in passing many people comment to me that their English is terrible but I'll let you in on a secret: I'm not paying attention to see if you used the present perfect continuous tense properly. I'm so incredibly grateful for normal human interaction with people older than 13 and to whom I don't have to explain a grammar rule. I think my brain would explode if I had my English teacher switch turned on all the time. The only thing that activates the grammar machine outside of class is if someone uttered something completely nonsensical. I'm used to being around non-native English speakers and I'm used to mispronounced words and slightly garbled mixed sentences but I understand the overall message.

Flattery and the art of illusion.

I'm trying to find a winter jacket. Not a difficult task, right? Wrong. Much like trying to find pants that fit me properly or a dress that fits nicely is always an awkward and arduous task. I, like my sisters, all have very small upper bodies and thin legs but big hips. But because we're so small in every other way, it looks like we're smaller than we are. Here are things to consider about shopping for a coat:

1) Is it thick enough? (Normal question. It gets cold out here and I spend quite a bit of time outside during my day so it's a good, standard question)

2) Is it long enough? Waist to hip ratio and thickness of bottom region causes materials to rise more than you would expect and if any piece of clothing is chosen improperly, uncomfortable drafts and embarrassing flashes of flesh may occur.

3) Is it wide enough and slim enough? Fits my upper body = loss of proper blood circulation and occasionally causes mummy walk because of restricted hip room. Fits my hips = carrying a blimp in my bra.

Oh the troubles of being a lady.

It was cute today when the saleswoman gave me a funny look when I told her the size 6 coat she pulled out for me might be a little small.

It's like when my students think I'm 17 or 18 and then I tell them I'm 25. They're so shocked. These people flatter me so.

Secret desires that are maybe not so secret.

I talk about women's education and rights a lot. I get this surge of pride yet desperation on the subject. I wish more people felt as strongly as I do about the subject. Even as I'm writing this, I am trying to avoid going off on a long speech about how even in the "developed world" girls are expected to dream in pink castles and ponies and (maybe not purposely) sets limits to what she is expected to achieve. But I feel a little helpless when it comes to doing something about this. I don't really have money to donate nor do I have the luxury of running off volunteer as a teacher. But if I could set aside my student loans and could raise enough money for a plane ticket, I would do it in a heartbeat. The dream coming in at second place is working with orangutans but that's an entirely different story.

I  know I have mentioned her before but Malala Yousafzai is one amazing 16-year-old. Not only do I find her bravery and courage admirable but her compassion speaks volumes beyond that. It is something to strive for in ourselves. Those are the qualities that I want in myself and Insha Allah my future children. I really do believe that love is louder.

"Fake it till you make it" or "Escape from Bacteria Mountain."

Upside to working with kids: playful, lots of energy, funny personalities, and it's nice when they're inspired to learn English.

Downside to working with kids: Can be grumpy (and angsty is they're older) and GERMS.

Yes, yes, I'm ill yet again. It's not a surprise and it won't be the last time this year, I'm sure. It just stinks when it's such a nice weekend and I want to be outside doing things but I'm stuck inside feeling like an infectious bag of gross. I get cabin fever all too quickly so I had to escape the confines of my bed yesterday and go out for a couple walks. The air felt incredible. I wanted to go out and do something last night but everyone seemed busy but it's really for the best. As much as I would like to be active and do something I know I have to stay put. I'm a big baby when it comes to being sick. I whine and complain all the time. I remember one time when I was a teenager, I had to stay home sick and I kept getting out of bed, refusing to drink more tea or do anything to rest. Mom was quite annoyed. She scolded me and told me to get back into bed. I hate feeling helpless or stuck. I'm too stubborn for that business. 

Insha Allah I'll be better by tomorrow. It's really tough to teach kids when you're ill. Maintaining a high level of energy and enthusiasm all day is difficult when you feel like you have a head full of cotton and your nose feels like the Niagra falls of mucus. I've been try to running my sinuses clear by wolfing down all the chilis in my flat, coating my throat with gobs of honey, and flooding my body with tea. As you can see, I have a flair for drama. :) 

Everything is coming up me.

I've been a little nervous about the state of my finances over the past month. I haven't been working that much, there has been some confusion with scheduling that has prevented me from scheduling my private lessons so basically I have been stretching 4000kč (about $200) over the course of a month while I need to buy groceries, school supplies and things for my flat like bedding since it's getting really cold at night. I know I have my trust issues (most people don't go throughout life without developing them) but I have been trying hard to put more faith and trust in Allah (God). I know some of my readers are of different religions or not religious at all and might think it's all a bit silly but I have my reasons just as anyone else has their reasons for their outlook on life. In the past, I know I've said I'll put my faith in Allah but I don't know if I truly did because I'd stress and freak out and become depressed. It's hard to trust the people in front of you let alone a being you can't see. But I keep praying to Allah to help me somehow and I think in little ways He is showing me that I'm on the right path. I was able to started my private lessons this Friday, which gave me a little money in my wallet and then a friend messaged me this weekend about some editing work for a friend's website. It's not much money but it'll get me through. My friends have been so incredible to me knowing that I'm in a bit of a predicament. Dušan wouldn't let me pay for my coffee. Numerous friends have offered to lend me money for groceries. It's a little overwhelming to know people care. I'll be back on track in a couple months.

Open Air Music Festival

Open Air Music Festival , a set on Flickr.

Autumn really is my favorite season for a multitude of reasons. The Open Air Music Festival was small but it reminded me of being in Boston and hearing musicians on every street corner.

Here is a poorly shot video. You work with what you have.

Roller coasters and glass cases and I don't even go to this school.

Receiving a birthday card from your grandmother and recently deceased grandfather carries a lot of mixed emotions.

It's a moment like this when you really want a hug from someone you love, not just any friend or family member but someone to whom you're really close but the closest person is an 8-hour and appx. $1000 plane ride away.

But you just pick up and keep moving because that's what you have to do.

I'm not sure if you could call this part of life "being an adult" because it also feels something like, "denial" and "repression."

Thoughts on housewives and Bear Grylls.

I've been so bored out of my skull the past couple weeks. I've had a total of two working days. TWO. I don't know how housewives do it. Of course the obvious thought of watching these shows entitled "Real Housewives of a Place with People and Stuff and Drama." And the old Ariana, the young, idealistic Ariana would have thought, "Who gives a hoot who these women are and what they do with their boring lives?" Oh Ariana. Sweet Ariana. What a sweet little fool. If I could look past my pride and sit through one episode of one of these shows I might learn a couple things but we can't all not have standards.

Now this is not to diss all housewives. Just the ones who think they're important enough for all of America to be fully invested in their every waking thought and bit of gossip. I know there are intelligent, lovely, wonderful housewives out there. I think I know a couple. But my question is: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR TIME? How do I efficiently spend my time without spending money because I do need that for groceries? Reading is always an option but I can't exactly do that eight hours a day for two weeks straight. As much as I love to read there are certain consequences to such a sedentary lifestyle. You start to get fat from sitting around all day, constantly straining my eyes gives me migraines, bedsores might start to appear on my legs, things like that. Same thing with watching films all day. It's all fine and dandy for one day, maybe even a weekend but I need a variety of intellectual, emotional, and physical stimulation.

I think this is why I like working with children. Their unpredictability keeps me wondering how I need prepare myself. No, Matej, don't stick scissors in little Eliška (lesson: always carry bandaids and maybe it's a good idea to have school nurses). No Ondra, don't wrap that wad of gum around your head, it will get stuck (lesson: no gum in class, carry scissors, what happens in English class will somehow leak out of English class via spoiled tattle-tales). Kids, get out of my bag, that's not yours (lesson: lock up your prized possessions in your office and keep your coffee away from little clumsy hands). It's like a hilarious and terrifying survival show. I think Bear Grylls should take on the challenge of an ESL class. He's a tough dude, right? He gets a lot of flack for being a phony with photographs of him and his crew feasting behind the camera but give the guy a break. He's entertaining and educational. Because of him I know what to do if I ever fall into quicksand. I sometimes imagine that living and working in a classroom is like struggling through a Mad Max post-apocalyptic world and I am always semi-confident I can make it out of the Thunderdome alive. As terrifying as it sounds, the adrenaline you get after a great class is addicting. I guess a career in ESL is just a gateway activity of an adrenaline junky.

An American lost in a Czech kitchen.

While living abroad I miss a lot of things: food, family, friends, food, and other stuff. It's really difficult to not have comfort foods when you're so far from the people who are always willing to give you hugs. Or cook for you. In times like these, you have to rely on yourself to create the little things that remind you of home but I underestimated how difficult cooking your home favorites can be when using foreign ingredients.

I take the example of cookies. I agree with my cookie-fiending friend, Mladen: cookies are the best. They're small enough and not over-powering sweets. When I was living at home in the U.S. I would make cookies all the time. I knew which ingredients I needed, which brands I trusted, and I could be in and out of a supermarket in 10 minutes tops (checkout lines, you know?). Here in Czech is an entirely different story. There are so many types of flour. I know there are things like, cake flour, rice flour, unbleached, bleached, whole-wheat, white, etc. But here in Czech I am totally lost. From what I understand the most common flour is wheat flour (so far so good) and they come in three different textures (uhh...okay?). There is smooth flour (hladka mouka), semi-coarse flour (polohruba mouka), and coarse flour (hruba). I have no idea. I have been using the smooth flour for a majority of my time in Czech which has been fine for making pancakes and bagels but my cookie batter is a puddle and after baking they are flat and the chocolate chip cookies I made last night had the texture of a cake. The taste is fine but the texture is all wrong. I had the same problem while attempting (and failing horribly) to make some seemingly simple nutella cookies. I'll be honest, they looked like flat, crispy poo. They were delicious but if I were a more cowardly eater, I wouldn't have touched them. I finally came to the conclusion that the smooth flour must be for cakes but also more for thickening sauces. After Googling it, lo and behold, my reasoning proved correct. So I tried to research which flour would be more appropriate for cookies and have turned up with no answer. I'll ask around but if that gets me nowhere I might have to buy the other types of flour and try each one. As far as the chocolate chip cookies go, I ran into other problems: chocolate chips aren't available so I bought a bunch of chocolate bars and chopped them into pieces, brown sugar for baking is hard to find but luckily I did find at the health food store, and vanilla extract is hard to find. In most supermarkets I've found some vanilla syrup but it smells artificial and is really sweet. I did find a really small bottle of extract without alcohol at the health food store I frequent but it was a little expensive (a little over $2) for about two teaspoons worth.

In other news I went to Jummah at the masjid here in HK and met some Malaysian sisters who understand my chili plight. I think a lot of Europeans don't really like spicy food. They gave me a little info on where I could shop for ingredients and drum roll, please...I CAN BUY HALAL MEAT FROM THE MASJID! Life is good. I am always cautious of meat that is available in supermarkets. I don't know how they were killed, what the meat might be mixed with, and a bunch of other factors that make me want to avoid the whole situation. This is awesome news to me because I have bought chicken from Tesco a few times but have mostly been living off of tofu or tempeh. I can't really afford to buy chicken now but once I get paid at the end of the month, hello feast! Chicken, welcome to my belly. I am constantly surprised I'm as skinny as I am seeing as I am always thinking of my stomach.

So who wants a cookie-cake?

Slow-motion derp of the foreigner.

I know that my directors don't really want me or my colleague learning the language here but really, how do they expect us to get around and manage our daily lives? I can't use Google translate everywhere and it's not exactly accurate all the time. I can answer in a few words in phrases but it takes me a little while to think of them. I feel like an idiot in slow-motion. Here are a few examples to show that I need to have some basic understanding of the language:

1) Ordering food at a restaurant. Waiters have become accustomed to asking me what number on the menu as I try to pronounce whatever dish. My pronunciation is not THAT bad but sometimes it's easier.

2) When I didn't realize that the bus fare went up since I was in HK a few months ago and the bus driver tries to explain it to me but I don't realize it. Luckily my friend was with me and told me I needed 3 more crowns. 

3) Trying to clean my apartment but having no clue what the cleaning supplies are for. I've been sitting in my room for an hour trying to decode mysterious instructions with Google translate.

Derp. Once I begin working and making money I want to start taking language classes AND perhaps sign up for a gym. Anyway, I've been pretty bored for the past week and a half since I don't start work until Thursday. I've been taking several walks just so I don't feel like such a bum sitting in the flat all the time. I walked from my flat all the way to the shopping mall the other, which really isn't that far but I've never walked there before. 

Other ways to spend my time:

1) Writing

2) Practicing guitar

3) Figuring out all the functions on my camera and trying to digest some photography terminology

4) Researching master's programs

5) Teaching myself how to begin editing videos with very basic programs

I guess I should go do some of these things. It's raining out so it looks like I'm staying in today. On the plus side, I figured out how to use the espresso machine in my flat so heyyyyy what's up breakfast latte? 

No selfies allowed.

As I mentioned I am back from Spain and while you can click on the link to my Flickr account on the sidebar, I figured I'd share some photos anyway.

I think this is one of my favorites. I call it "Joint Effort."

Mind the gap and get back on track.

I've been thinking a lot about my master's degree over the past few months. Speaking in a realistic, financial sense, I can't afford to go for my master's degree for a couple years but I figure that gives me plenty of time to decide to which programs I want to apply and of course, study for entrance exams/GREs/what have you. I really have no clue where to get started. I'm still unsure what exactly I want to pursue for a degree. I know I want to do education. I know I want to work with English as a second language, and I'd like to narrow in on women's education.

I think I'm narrowing in on at least a master's in applied linguistics. It sounds kind of like a fancy title to me. But then again, I couldn't even imagine myself going to grad school a couple years ago. I'm really nervous. But it is something about which I'm passionate. I do want to do my program in Europe. This way I would still have plenty of work while attending school. I started looking for fun at some programs. I haven't really looked into the details so much but I saw some in Barcelona, Budapest, Brussels, and some more cities beginning with the letter B and some that include the rest of the alphabet. I know it's somewhat selfish but I'm really excited that Mladen's moving back to Europe. I consider him a really good friend and it's been hard not having a good friend even in the same time zone. It can get really lonely sometimes.

I think another project of mine this year is to become more financially organized. I'm terrible at keeping receipts, tracking purchases, budgeting expenses, etc. I feel like a lot of adults are bad at this so I really should get on top of that.

Also here is a song I've been listening to on repeat lately. Bon Iver is one of my favorite artists of all time and I met him a couple years ago through working with Dig Boston. Pretty awesome. 

Tired eyes, tired heart.

Bad news loves company. It seems that life likes to really wear a person down before (hopefully) some good comes. Less than a week after my grandfather's passing, I found out today about a colleague's passing. He was my officemate from one of the schools where I work. He was out biking and when he didn't return, a search began. His body was discovered yesterday. I am surprised no one from the school or my company bothered to tell me and I had to find out via rumors and whispers. It's the worst way to hear such news. At this point, I am too tired for tears. I apologize, readers, for all the tragedy but entertainment is not the main objective of this blog. Life, the little details between the hours, and the dreams and lessons that stem from those events. Since I was little, writing has been my way of making sense of the chaotic thoughts and feeling running rampant in my head.

I am not sure what to say. Quite honestly, I don't feel like saying much. My thoughts are with his family. It will be strange walking into my office next week. I'm already anticipating the awkward exchange between my other officemates, Mojmir and Vojtech. I'm anticipating a private chat with the deputy headmistress. But life moves on and the heart recovers. I told my students at the summer camp, good does come from life. Sometimes you don't notice it because the weight of the bad to the good at that moment isn't comparable but it's there. I think that's worth something. Rest in peace, Milan.

Annual celebrations of all kinds.

It’s been a difficult week. After the news of my grandfather and feeling at a loss of words and ideas of what needs to be done and trying to hide tears from six-year olds, we are finally heading home. The best way I can ever cope with stress or anything upsetting is to throw myself into my work but there were so many moments when I had to stop and catch my breath. While walking to the town, little Julie told me she wanted to buy a present for her grandfather. What can you do but smile and ask what she wants to buy him? The kids and I were in a store when a young man approached me and started asking me, “Miss, what is your name? These can’t be your children, where are you from?” I tried to end the conversation and move along with the children but he persisted and it took a lot of self-control to not scream at him. I find myself clenching my teeth and telling myself to stop being sad. It’s life. Death is a part of life and it’s not like you haven’t seen it before. I loved my grandfather but I think that this is not the main thought causing this heavy stress. During this entire time, I keep thinking of my mother. When my grandfather was in the hospital before I left the States, I watched my mother cry and it hurt me more than anything. Out of anyone, I can’t stand to watch my parents cry.  If the logical chain of events is to take place, my parents are next to follow suit of my grandparents. I don’t want to see them suffer; I don’t want to see them die. Whatever emotional roller coaster I am going through in my life, they are there for me to provide some comfort and wisdom. I don’t even want to think about what comes next.

When I received the news of my grandfather, Dominka, one of the older girls hugged me and put her hand on mine and told me, “You know Ariana, you’re one of my role models. You’re so strong.” I had to laugh amongst the tears. Strong. Strength. What strength? Anisha said something similar to me when I was visiting her in Boston. I feel like over the past 3 years or so I have been dragging bags of sand and stone through miles of water. If strength is there, I don't really see it. Maybe it’s hidden under a thick layer of fat. Maybe strength is simply surviving and keeping your ahead above water.

Anyway, it’s my birthday. I’m officially twenty-five years old. Twenty-five years of pulling through and hopefully here’s to many more. I don't feel much like celebrating but I don't think it's wise to sit at home. So here’s to those who have left us and to those who are still with us, may we love them and hold them dear and always tell them that we love them because we may not have another chance to do so. I told the older kids that no matter what happens in life, whether good or bad what the most important thing is that we learn from these experiences. I hope that you all and I can keep this in mind and keep dragging those sandbags. 

When his tense passes from present to past.

My grandfather passed away last night. He had been having health problems for quite some time and had been in and out of hospitals for the past year. My problem on top of this is that I’m not at home in Massachusetts; I am in the middle of working at a summer camp in Spain on the beach. I was in the middle of a conversation with my teenage students about the best and worst days in our lives. I picked this topic because I had received news about my grandfather’s failing heart the previous day. The news was very upsetting and my directors gave me the morning off to try to call home and see if arrangements needed to be made for me to fly home. My students were very confused as to why I wasn’t joining them for the morning session but I explained to them later that my grandfather was very ill and we weren’t sure if he would pull through. So course, what a perfect time to learn of his passing as we all sat around the camp table sharing stories about our loved ones passing or parents getting divorced. I knew as soon as my phone rang and it said “private number” that I needed to separate myself from the group. Surely enough it was my older sister, Kyla. Grandpa had passed away in the night. He developed a high fever and the pneumonia and the doctors told my grandmother she had a make a decision whether they should pull the plug. My grandfather did not want to be resuscitated. How do you cope when something like this happens and you are so far away and you can’t comfort your grieving family or even yourself because you’re in a foreign land surrounded by foreign faces and several languages you don’t understand? I’m doing the only thing I know how to do, I am writing. My students did their best to comfort me, the older ones hugged me and the little ones drew me pictures but I’m stuck in a place where I don’t know what my next actions should be. What do you do when a person’s tense shifts from the present to the past and you are thousands of miles away? Do you go home? Do you stay? Should I carry on teaching? Am I emotionally capable of teaching at this moment? I was taught not to let your grieving overcome you. Death is the balance of life and it will happen to everyone and everything. It can happen at any moment and I suppose we are lucky if we do live to an old age. My main wish and concern is my mother. If anything I want to be home to be there for her. I don’t know exactly what that would mean doing. Kyla said she will call me with further details later so I guess all I can do now is wait.

Exporting my future.

It's late here in Czech but I got caught up watching a documentary released a couple years ago called "Waiting for Superman" which discussed the failing public school system in the United States. It followed the lives of about 5 students across the U.S. who were from mostly low-income families and who were attending low-performance schools. It was heartbreaking. I don't come from a wealthy family and I know how terrible the school system can be. The lack of funds, good teachers, materials, and the effect it has on the community. I think my education was okay but is definitely leagues behind a lot of my college classmates and friends who were educated in foreign countries. I wanted to address a couple issues that were highlighted in the documentary.

1) Good teachers are hard to find. Yes, yes, and yes. Again I lucked out. I had some good teachers and partially due to the selective Advanced Placement program so I did okay. But seeing the rest of my classmates and a lot of teachers around the city, state, and country are what turned me against becoming a teacher. I am so terrified that if I became a teacher, I would quickly become jaded and fall into the category of "educators" that I naively tried to fight against when I entered the field. I'd hate my life, I'd hate my students, and I can't make anyone's life better. What makes me happy here is that most of my students try really hard. I try to make my classes fun (still trying out different methods) and it makes me so happy when they succeed. To see that potential in someone and help bring it out makes me feel such a sense of pride.

2) Community and family. It is so incredibly important to have family and community supporting you. By the time I graduated high school around 40% of kids in my graduating class had either moved or dropped out. There were bomb threats, shootings at other schools in the district, constant gang fights, etc. As of now, I don't want to raise a family in the U.S. because this type of environment was too common. I appreciate the values of diversity and thrift I learned from my experience and learned that love and support from family members and teachers alike is invaluable to a child's success so for that I'm grateful but if I can manage it, I wouldn't put my kids through it (unless private/boarding schools were within our family's price range).

It's a lot to think about this early in life but it can't hurt to give it some thought. I've always had a lot of respect for teachers because I've seen what they put up with and it's really rough. After watching this documentary I have even more respect for the the ones who pushed me and the classmates daring enough to enter the jungle of the Springfield Public School system.

Oh and watch "Waiting for Superman."

Not enough cooks in the kitchen.

I forgot to mention earlier that I got into a fight with our oven last night. I really wanted to cook some chicken because that's what adults do, right? They cook chicken and stuff. But when there is no one around to show you how to work the damn oven because when you press what you assume is the "on" button and nothing happens and the entire instructional manual is in an language you don't understand, you and your chicken start to panic a little. By the time I figured out how to work it, it was too late to start marinating so I just had pita bread with zaatar and baklawa I brought from home. These things take time.

We have a little friend in our flat. He was an orphan and my flatmates (two of whom I've finally met) adopted him. Say hello to Oskar!

I'm a happy allergic person.

My allergies are precisely the reason why I cannot become a crazy cat lady. 

Forks and other multi-pronged utensils in the road.

Maybe it's because I haven't readjusted to living in Czech just yet but for some reason I came to the decision that I don't think I will stay here after this year. Perhaps it's time to move on. I don't know why I came to this decision. The city is beautiful and I love my students, my directors, and the few friends I've made but something doesn't feel quite right to me. I think perhaps it's because I just came home from seeing my family and I miss them so incredibly much. Perhaps these feelings will go away in a week but I've started looking at positions in Turkey and Bosnia.

Edit: My friend Matyáš said I sounded too sad in this post so let me clarify. I think my time here in Czech is just the threshold of my journey. There is something deeper to be discovered and after jumping into this, stopping here would be unjust to myself. We'll see as the year develops.

Globe trekkin' like Carmen Sandiego sans the thievery.

I'm trying to figure out where I want to go this year on my vacation. So far in the running are:

1. Paris
2. Amsterdam
3. Istanbul

Now I have some issues with each. Paris is expensive. I don't have much money. Paris and Amsterdam are so incredibly touristy and from what I've heard from a lot of people way too overrated. I know people have had a good time and I do want to see it at some point because well, it is Paris but I hate that so many people make such a big deal about it. It's kind of how I feel about Rome. It's a beautiful city but far from my favorite. And those who know me know I am defiant until the end and hate doing what everyone else is doing. I'm the girl who hated pink just because all girls I knew loved it. I guess Mladen is correct to call me a "hippy hipster lady." Moving on. I really would love to go to Istanbul but I'm unsure how concerned I should be in light of the protests and military presence. Anisha told me that a former coworker of ours was there and had to be evacuated out. That and I don't know about my budget just yet.

My cookie-obsessed Serb friend (I exaggerate but love to tease him about it) also suggested another point of interest that I had forgotten about: Sarajevo! I've wanted to go for quite some time (I also would love to visit Mostar) and it's a little more off-course than what people would expect. The architecture, the mosques, the food, etc. It'll be winter when I go but it will be the beginning of winter so hopefully it won't be too cold.

I guess my top picks right now are Istanbul and Sarajevo, we'll see which one works out. The other thing is that Turkey and Bosnia are both countries where I'd be interested in teaching. If you have any tips as to what I should see, where I should go, what I should eat, let me know!

In the meantime, the weather is so nice here in Czech. Anyone for a bike ride?

Don't mind me, just rolling around in my massive bed.

I've moved in to my new flat in HK (Hradec Králové, not Hong Kong). I guess it's a good thing my flight was scheduled for the day it was and not a day later. Even though I missed celebrating Eid ul Fitr with pretty much anyone, I missed out on moving in while it was thundering and pouring outside. My flight was fine. Before I got onto the plane the flight attendant scanning my passport complimented my henna and wished me a happy Eid. It was really nice of him. Downside: sat next to a man who was very friendly but had a bit of a gas problem for the first hour of the flight. Someone (I think a friend of his) finally gave him some sort of medication to help him with the problem.

I was so surprised to find that Czech was so hot when I arrived. I had to shed some layers and change shoes. I met my landlord for the first time. What a super nice guy. His English isn't the best but he did his best. He carried my suitcase up all five flights of stairs for me. I am still getting settled in but I have to say I am super excited because of the following reasons:

1. I have never had a bed bigger than a twin in all my life.
2. I have a gas stove again
3. I have a dishwasher (which I can live without since I actually find washing dishes soothing but having one does cut down on time)
4. The kitchen has slanted windows since the apartment is in the attic which is great for watching the rain fall.
5. Roof deck!

It's a pretty sweet deal. I'm happy. I actually spent the morning rolling around in my new bed. I won't have sheets for a couple days since my director who provides me with those is out of town but that's okay, I can deal. I already miss home and everyone. It wasn't enough time but that's what everyone says for the entirety of their lives. Strangely enough now that I'm on my own, I feel like I've forgotten how to cook. Maybe it's the jet lag and my brain still hasn't adjusted and the lack of groceries + the lack of funds to buy aforementioned groceries but I bought a bunch of Indomie because I just couldn't think of a single thing I wanted to cook. I'm also getting used to the new flat and trying to find everything. I spent a few minutes just trying to find the light switches in the kitchen.

I also don't know what to do with my time. I have a week before I leave for Spain and for some reason I don't remember what I would during downtime. I can't stay inside for too long so I went on a couple walks in between thunderstorms. I think this year I want to make more of an effort to make more friends especially at the masjid here. For those who know me, I'm sure you're saying to yourself, "Shut up, Ariana, you have tons of friends. You make friends everywhere you go." It's true that I'm a very friendly person but I'm also very shy. It takes a lot of energy and effort for me to put myself out there to strangers which I guess makes it seem a little weird that my current job requires so much extroversion. I all honesty I usually avoid large crowds of people because it just kind of makes me overwhelmed. This is why I also hate malls and major shopping centers because if there are too many people I will usually quickly browse and then just leave. If I have a friend with me it's okay but I really envy people who are completely within their element in a foreign environment. For those of you who don't know me, I am in no way completely socially inhibited. I do love socializing, just amongst familiar company with whom I feel like I can take a moment to just think. Most of my friends who live in HK have left either for vacation or to permanently. I haven't even met my flatmates yet. I heard one leaving this morning (I think) but I was too tired from traveling and moving in to care. I guess I'll just keep reading and writing and perhaps go for a run if I can muster the courage and energy. I kind of wish someone was around to play a board game with or watch a movie.

I'm sure I'll find my bearings in a little while, moving just takes some adjustment. Just like it'll take a while to adjust to all this bed estate but I think I'll be just fine.

I am always thinking about my stomach.

Nerves, stress, and the tetris game that is packing to head back to Czech. I'm so sad that I'm going to miss Eid at home but my family is sending me to the airport with some goodies (kue nastar, kue kering biji pala, putri ayu, and some chocolate).  I miss a lot of foods from home while living in Czech so I've had to become a little more resourceful and make these things from scratch. What kind of thing do you miss Ariana? Well, I'll tell you, Ariana. I miss bagels like crazy. Soft, squishy, toasty bagels with peanut butter or cream cheese or as a breakfast sandwich or bagel pizza when I'm too lazy to really cook anything. Bagels aren't really available in Czech. My former flatmate, Kristy, said she knew of two places in Praha but that's about it. One of my students who visits his American father in New York every summer and I had a bonding moment when discussing traveling. It went something like this:

Me: What foods will you eat this summer when you're traveling?
Lucie: I will stay home and eat ice cream!
Marek: I will eat pizza in Italy!
Ryan: I will visit my dad in New York and we'll have some good bagels.
Me: *pause* My sweet child, thank you! You understand. Bagels. Kids, listen to Ryan.

So because bagels are amazing rings of goodness clearly sent for the betterment of mankind, I will share the recipe (courtesy of Emeril Lagasse) I have been using for the past couple months. They're not quite like store-bought bagels but they're still delicious and have a nice crunch when you toast them up:

2 cups warm water (appx. 110 degrees Farenheit/43 Celsius)
.5 ounces of yeast (roughly 3 tsp)
4 tablespoons of sugar
5.5ish cups of flour
2 teaspoons of salt
2 teaspoons oil
cormeal
toppings if you want. I like onion or plain but do whatever feels right.

1) Pour the water into your mixing bowl. Stir in the yeast and only 3 tablespoons of the sugar. Make sure the water isn't too hot because then you'll kill your yeast. I made that mistake the first time I tried the recipe. Let it sit for 5 minutes.

2) Start adding in 4 cups of flour and the salt. Don't add it all at once, do a little bit at a time.

3) Mix in the rest of the flour by hand.

4) Place on a floured surface and start kneading as much flour in as you can. Do this for about 5 minutes.

5) Put 1 tsp of oil in a large bowl and spread it evenly around. Put the dough in and turn it over so it's covered in oil. Cover it and let it rise for an hour. Meanwhile grease a baking sheet or two with the remaining oil.

6) Take the dough out and punch it down. Cut it into 12 equal pieces. Roll each piece into a ball and then into a log about 6 inches long. I just figure if it can wrap around my hand that's long enough. Make the logs into circles and pinch the ends. Put them on the baking sheets, cover, and let sit for 20-30 minutes. Meanwhile preheat the oven to 400F/ 200C. Also, start boiling a large pot of water (I use a 12-cup pot) and add in the last tablespoon of sugar.

 

7) Boil each bagel for about two minutes. As I put the bagels in the pot I throw down some cornmeal so the bagels don't stick to the baking sheet. If you're putting on toppings, dip the tops of the bagels in the toppings now.

8) Bake the bagels for 20 minutes. And then you eat them with your mouth.

Forget the BFF necklaces, just buy me a slice of pizza and give me the strongest hug you can muster.

My last trip to Boston was rather bittersweet. I was so happy to see people before I make my long journey back to Czech. I didn’t see too many people. I am not a person who has a large group of friends. I just have a small group of really good friends that I'm sad to leave yet again. I’ve never really had friends I with whom I was close until college when I met Chelsea. We kind of just fit as family. It was so hard for me when she fractured her ankle and had to move back in with her parents. I didn’t really have anyone I felt I could talk to about everything. When I started working at the café, I met Anisha and Mladen. While the café was far from my favorite job (only because the owner was a ridiculous tyrant) I have no regrets about that job. I would never have met these two individuals and probably would never have received inspiration to travel or teach. When it comes to Anisha, the reason I love being her friend is because we can talk about anything under the sun without judgment. She’s does her best to be honest with herself and really takes in all life lessons to try to become better as a person. Mladen is a jokester (as am I) and I'm not sure why I feel connected to him and can confide in him. He kind of reminds me of my dad in relation to his thoughts and views on family, his sense of humor, and inner child. I really respect these two individuals. 

I was talking to Anisha about my choice of friends in the past and why they never really stuck. I think it’s pretty simple, those people didn’t have a lot of respect for me and I didn’t have much respect for myself. I know that pretty sounds condescending and I don’t mean that those people were bad but when I was younger I was so desperate for a friend that I didn’t really think about what the basis of a good friendship should be. The similar interests were there but there was still a lack of connection and respect. I guess you’re not expected to figure these things out until you’ve experienced the world a bit. I really mean it when I say I don’t regret most things even though a good chunk of my life has been a far cry from ideal. I wouldn’t know what I know now if I didn’t go through these experiences and increasingly I really like who I am turning out to be. I know a lot of people say "I wish I knew then what I know now" or "I wish I could meet younger me so I could share my wisdom." I don't really like these sayings or ideas. What I mean is that my parents told me all these life lessons when I was younger. Does that mean I really truly listened and let those life lessons reflect in my life choices? No. I still went out and made mistakes so I don’t really think another adult telling me what to do would have mattered. I needed to learn the hard way and I think that everyone needs the figurative knocking to the ground so that these lessons and humility really stick. Making the world better starts with making yourself better.

I won’t see Anisha for a while which makes me really sad but I am excited to visit Mladen in Serbia. He said I can hang out with his aunt and grandma on their plum farm. :)

I'm leaving for Czech in a week so I'm crossing off the last things on my to-do list. One of those things was to go to the New England Aquarium. While looking at the tanks I was thinking two things: 1) Coooollll and 2) I want to eat you. But I spotted this guy all by his lonesome in his own tank. I snapped a picture and shared it with a few people but Mladen’s response takes the cake. So I am happy to introduce “Ocean Sheitan.”

Dark future with some well-lit corridors.

Money has always been a source of so much stress in my life. I became so desperate to make enough (or feel like I was making enough) that I had two jobs plus an internship and trying to do freelance while balance a social life. My sleep and eating habits were affected, my weight dropped to an unhealthy low and I was miserable. I also tend to have too much pride when it comes to money so I absolutely hate asking my parents (who are far from rich people) for anything because I feel too guilty and want to pay them back but I often don't make enough to pay them back fully. I've tried to let go some pride over the past couple years and since I've been home I am so incredibly grateful to mom and dad for treating me to even the basic necessities (like the 7 pairs of long wool socks for the cold winter). They even bought me new luggage for my upcoming birthday. Luggage is expensive. I've been using the luggage that my family bought some time before my older sister went to college which was around 2002 and the set has been abused. When the wheel broke off of one suitcase while I was moving out of my old apartment, I think my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to invest in some decent luggage.

A hot topic in the U.S. over the past couple years is the devastating cost of a higher education and the lack of even decent-paying jobs available to young graduates. Students are left with mountains of debt and no way to pay it off. This is not the main cause but a factor in the decrease of car sales and home ownership because young people simply can't afford it. This, of course, is my story. Like I said, two jobs, an internship, freelance, and non-existent social life. I can afford my monthly payments but with 50% or more of it going to interest I've hardly made a dent in my loans. STRESS. How can I even attempt to prepare for my future life with like a husband, kids, a house, college funds, cars, etc. when I can't even get out of the water myself? I'd also like to throw in that I very sparingly use a credit card. Like I never like to go above $150/$200 because I know I'll struggle so hard to pay off anything higher. I don't have that much in debt compared to a lot of friends but it's still an incredible amount for someone who has been busting her butt at a clothing retail store for the past 4 years, made it up to a sort of administrative position, and still only made a little over $10/hour. Once you factor in taxes, rent, groceries, travel, and student loans, you don't have that much left over. And then when your company decides to cut your hours from around 30/35 hours a week to a measly 24, it really hurts. You aren't making enough money AND hey, you just lost your benefits. Awesome. Thanks a ton.

I have made some changes in my life that have made me a lot happier but I still struggle with money. However, my parents, being the amazing saintly, good people that they are, have said that once my younger sister finishes college, they would prefer to see their children out of debt and want to help us out. This is amazing for me because no that I have a job that I love, I am really interested in going to graduate school. My goal is to bring my actual student loan debt (not including interest) down to at least $12,000 before I apply. Realistically I can do that on my own if I really truly budget myself over the next 2 years. But after a talk with my dad I might be able to do it sooner. I know I'm getting ahead of myself because life is cruel and things happen so I can't really count on a super cheery, happy ending  but I can still hope and make du'a to Allah.

I am woman, hear me giggle and squeak.

So watching the video introducing my friend Nicholas's documentary "Pursuing Happiness" really struck a chord with me.  The past year I've done a lot of soul searching to find out what makes me happy and how I want to impact the world. If you didn't already know, Malala Yusafzai, the young Pakistani girl whom the Taliban attempted to assassinate last year delivered a speech to the UN the week on her 16th birthday. If you haven't already watched it, I'll give you a moment to do so.

I was so moved by her words, the words of a 16-year old that I cried. And I cried when I talked to my dad about it. It's no surprise, I cry easily but the only thing coherent thing that came out of my mouth whilst crying was, "What a beautiful person." As my older sister, Kyla, said, I loved what she had to say as a woman, as a Pakistani, as a Muslim, as a young person, and in general, as a human being. I've decided at this point in my life I know what I want my legacy to be. In the future biography of me, I want to be known as an activist for women's education.

This is a major problem in our world, even at home in the U.S. Girls around the world are denied an education or flat out don't have the opportunity to go to school. Here at home, young women are not encouraged enough to pursue careers in math and science fields. I went to a private liberal arts college in Boston and I think the ratio of women to men at the time I attended was about 70:30. Yeah. I think a lot of it has to do with the expected gender roles of little girls and how they really haven't changed at all since forever.

One of my current favorite websites to visit (upworthy.com) recently uploaded a video about a new toy for girls that promotes engineering and problem-solving skills at a young age. I'd totally buy that for my girl. This is not to say I'm putting down the arts, I love the arts! The arts as far as I'm concerned. the arts is where it's at. I wasn't bad at science or math (except for calculus...first C ever in my life) but from a very early age I really loved to read and write, you can ask my parents. But if I had been encouraged to do something along the lines of this new Goldieblox engineering toy, who knows?

As for getting more global, a project that I have really been interested in is Skateistan. It really makes me wish I knew how to skateboard and the Dari language. This program targets young girls in Afghanistan (and now Cambodia!), giving them the opportunity at an education and the chance to learn a really cool skill.

I try to keep up with foreign affairs as much as possible because my parents always encouraged me and my sisters to be aware of the world around us. On top of that a professor from college scolded my class for not knowing about anything about the Bosnian War in the early to mid 90s (ahem, I was aware fyi) and said that you cannot be a good writer or even a good person if you don't pay attention to your world. While I know some people that would argue that in the case of several classical writers, I think he's right. We have such a globally connected world that you can't just ignore a part of it because you don't like it. Be aware and try to have a positive influence on the parts that don't work so well. Education is the first step understanding and compromise on both sides. Just imagine what that little girl picking her nose on the bus could grow up to be. I'm not a scary hooded figure and I'm not just a pretty face. I am an advocate, an activist, and representative for the education of everyone, of Muslim women, the Oxford comma, and the belief baked goods are good bandages for bad days. 

Thinking of all of this makes me swell with pride (and more tears, I can't help it) and this is just the sort of positivity I want to push forward in the world. What makes you happy?

"Fasting, eh?" laughed the cake.

So it's Ramadan and I'm home and I'm healthy. I thought fasting this year would be incredibly hard since it's so hot and humid here but it's turning out to be okay. It's not the lack of food that ever concerns me. I can go for hours without food but it's the lack of water that can be rough. Yet in this time of reflection and meditation I can't help but feel like I'm cheating. Being home automatically means I am spoiled when it comes to eating. It makes my life on my own look like an entire year of fasting and one month of indulgence. But as I rationalized to my older sister while my one-year old nephew was throwing his peas on the floor, I do need to keep my body nourished. So I only feel like I'm eating more but it's all for the sake of maintaining my health...and the fact that we have two June birthdays, two July birthdays and two July wedding anniversaries so you MUST have cake and celebrate.

Anas's rainbow birthday cake

Taufiq's birthday cake (homemade Snickers cake...so much sugar and butter)

I am so happy I am able to be home during this time of year because being on my own, I tend to become so tied up in myself. Who am I? What am I doing with my life? But being home makes me a bigger part of something. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, and I can stretch those roots that have felt like they were lying dormant for so long. I had a sad moment a few weeks back. I came home excited to see my family and friends but one of my main goals this summer was to form a bond with my nephew. When I found out my sister was pregnant, I was walking on Newbury Street in Boston with my younger sister (sorry, Kyla, she couldn't contain it but I kept my mouth shut). When those words came out of my younger sister's mouth, I start to scream with joy and it was all I could think about. It gave me so much to think about when I went home that night. I haven't always had the strongest relationship with my family but something inside me changed. Our family was changing and I wanted to be present and accounted for during that change. I wanted to be a part of my nephew's life so that when he gets older, Kyla and Taufiq have someone they can rely on and Anas can turn to me for advice. Not only that but it made me begin to think about my future and the influence I'll have on my kids and what my potential future husband should be like. I like how my sisters and I turned out. While we're nowhere near perfect, I think we've turned out really well and I hope my future kids have the same views on life. You need to step outside your bubble because the world is a big place and stop trying to impress others but rather impress yourself, have as many adventures as possible but the best bed and the best food is always in the place where people love you the most. I'd like to stress the food part of that sentence because my father and I will cook the same thing and his comes out way better than mine.

Anyway, getting back to my original point, I had a moment of realization that even though I get to spend all this time playing with Anas and teaching him to give high fives (and low ones), he won't remember any of this time we had together. We will still have plenty of Skype dates but I won't be able to hold him and play with him. It really made me sad. I mean he's just getting used to me and doesn't cry when I pick him up.

Sous chef Anas helping in the kitchen

On the note of happiness and self-contentment, I'd like to mention a friend's film project he and his friend are trying to get off the ground. It's called "Pursuing Happiness" and I'm sorry for not being so tech-savvy because I don't know how to embed this video but even if you can't or, let's be honest, don't feel like donating, it's worth a watch.