A foreign friend told me he didn't understand why Americans were so sensitive to racism. I know him to make somewhat racist jokes and it's a part of his culture but I know he doesn't really believe these things. But I think what he doesn't understand is how much racism is still so involved with violence and injustice in this country. Take a look at what's happening in Ferguson, MO. It's only one example of violence because of racism. We claim to be such a progressive country but we still suffer from this same disease that has plagued us since the founding of this country. We don't believe in protecting our own people. We don't believe that our own people are even our own people.
When things like Ferguson happen, it reminds me that even though I have white skin, I'm also Muslim and therefore seen as a foreigner and immigrant as therefore seen as something less or something to be scared of even though I'm educated, polite, dressed nicely, etc. It makes me scared to raise a family here. It makes me scared for my father who has darker skin and has had more than his fair share of abuse both physical and non-physical. It makes me always nervous around police and feel like I have to put on a loud show of being extra nice and friendly because I don't want them to jump to insane conclusions because I'm not smiling. I think what my friend doesn't realize is that in this country, you are never safe.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
The struggle to believe in something.
First, I applied for schools in Korea. I got so overwhelmingly stressed and decided to apply for jobs elsewhere. I got a job in Kazan, Russia but then the school started experiencing financial strain because of the political and economic situation in Russia and they had to withdraw their offer of employment. I got overwhelmingly stressed again. I talked to my family, my friends, I cried, I got stress headaches, I went running to relieve my stress like I normally do but nothing really quite helped. That Friday I went to Jummah salah at the masjid and I spoke with my friend Hafsah. I told her what happened and she just shrugged it off and said, "Allah is the best of planners." I felt so calm and relieved as soon as she said it.
It's hard to remain positive and look on the other end of things when things don't go as you plan. As a Muslim, one of the biggest jihads is just having faith that Allah knows best for you. But really this expands to all humans, Muslim and non-Muslim alike. And for those of my friends and readers who aren't Muslim or even dislike the idea of religion, bear with me. I know it's incredibly difficult to believe in something you can't see, don't have a written agreement with, can't speak to, etc. It's hard to see the wisdom behind certain things in your life. I recently got another job in Russia but this time in St. Petersburg. The Muslim community is not as large there and I worry because I contacted one brother and he said neither he nor his wife were sure of any English-speaking Muslims there. Again, I tell myself, "Allah is the best of planners." I know He would not send me to a place without some plan of something good for me. During a period of doubt in my life, I went to Czech Republic, a largely atheistic country and happened to be placed in a city where they have one of I think three known mosques in the entire country. It was a small community but it changed me in so many ways. In my opinion, I think that in itself was a sign and one that I admit, moves me to tears, which isn't really that difficult but it something I feel so strongly about. So as long a my paperwork goes smoothly, I will be in St. Petersburg in January insha Allah, ready and waiting to see what is in store for me.
It's hard to remain positive and look on the other end of things when things don't go as you plan. As a Muslim, one of the biggest jihads is just having faith that Allah knows best for you. But really this expands to all humans, Muslim and non-Muslim alike. And for those of my friends and readers who aren't Muslim or even dislike the idea of religion, bear with me. I know it's incredibly difficult to believe in something you can't see, don't have a written agreement with, can't speak to, etc. It's hard to see the wisdom behind certain things in your life. I recently got another job in Russia but this time in St. Petersburg. The Muslim community is not as large there and I worry because I contacted one brother and he said neither he nor his wife were sure of any English-speaking Muslims there. Again, I tell myself, "Allah is the best of planners." I know He would not send me to a place without some plan of something good for me. During a period of doubt in my life, I went to Czech Republic, a largely atheistic country and happened to be placed in a city where they have one of I think three known mosques in the entire country. It was a small community but it changed me in so many ways. In my opinion, I think that in itself was a sign and one that I admit, moves me to tears, which isn't really that difficult but it something I feel so strongly about. So as long a my paperwork goes smoothly, I will be in St. Petersburg in January insha Allah, ready and waiting to see what is in store for me.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Stuck in the system.
Volunteering is something I want to do. I love helping. Paying student loans is something I do not want to do but I have to do and therefore I cannot work for free.
I just got an email from this nonprofit organization created by alumni of my alma mater that guides students and graduates to managing their money and paying student loans. YES. Thank you. Someone cares. It's so overwhelming to try to manage finances when you are trying to manage so many other things. There's professional development, social life development, love life development, personal interests and hobbies, trying to figure out taxes, etc.
On this site, I read about one organization that helps people pay off their student debts while volunteering. WHAT?! YES. Because this is all I ever want to do in life. Sadly, it's limited to Washington D.C., Chicago, and Philly but maybe if I come back for my master's degree I could find something because who knows where I'll end up.
I just got an email from this nonprofit organization created by alumni of my alma mater that guides students and graduates to managing their money and paying student loans. YES. Thank you. Someone cares. It's so overwhelming to try to manage finances when you are trying to manage so many other things. There's professional development, social life development, love life development, personal interests and hobbies, trying to figure out taxes, etc.
On this site, I read about one organization that helps people pay off their student debts while volunteering. WHAT?! YES. Because this is all I ever want to do in life. Sadly, it's limited to Washington D.C., Chicago, and Philly but maybe if I come back for my master's degree I could find something because who knows where I'll end up.
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