How long can one stare at the dimly lit shadows of your childhood bedroom before your mind and body give up out of sheer boredom? Apparently a long time. There's just too much on my mind lately. I have been stressing out over this job situation. I've been waiting for 3 months for South Korea and I just don't know if it will pay off. I started applying to other positions a couple weeks ago and I've been offered a position in Russia. I don't know if I should take it. I've wanted to go to Russia for a long time now but I have put so much time, money, and energy into SK that I want to feel it's worth something. Plus I would really like to go back to school. SK would help me get there a lot faster even though I think I would much rather enjoy Russia.
You know that question people ask about changing one thing about yourself? I wish I could be less emotional. I know I shouldn't say things like that but I really do. I can't help it. It's like a wave that consumes you and you don't know how to swim so you struggle until it washes you ashore. I really wish that sometimes I could switch off my emotion center of my brain and not care or at least be better at hiding my emotions. I would sleep so much easier.
I really do feel like Kolya sometimes. A lost, helpless little kid who doesn't understand anything about the real world. Maybe it's just because I'm still in my childhood bedroom.
