So it's Ramadan and I'm home and I'm healthy. I thought fasting this year would be incredibly hard since it's so hot and humid here but it's turning out to be okay. It's not the lack of food that ever concerns me. I can go for hours without food but it's the lack of water that can be rough. Yet in this time of reflection and meditation I can't help but feel like I'm cheating. Being home automatically means I am spoiled when it comes to eating. It makes my life on my own look like an entire year of fasting and one month of indulgence. But as I rationalized to my older sister while my one-year old nephew was throwing his peas on the floor, I do need to keep my body nourished. So I only feel like I'm eating more but it's all for the sake of maintaining my health...and the fact that we have two June birthdays, two July birthdays and two July wedding anniversaries so you MUST have cake and celebrate.
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| Anas's rainbow birthday cake |
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| Taufiq's birthday cake (homemade Snickers cake...so much sugar and butter) |
I am so happy I am able to be home during this time of year because being on my own, I tend to become so tied up in myself. Who am I? What am I doing with my life? But being home makes me a bigger part of something. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, and I can stretch those roots that have felt like they were lying dormant for so long. I had a sad moment a few weeks back. I came home excited to see my family and friends but one of my main goals this summer was to form a bond with my nephew. When I found out my sister was pregnant, I was walking on Newbury Street in Boston with my younger sister (sorry, Kyla, she couldn't contain it but I kept my mouth shut). When those words came out of my younger sister's mouth, I start to scream with joy and it was all I could think about. It gave me so much to think about when I went home that night. I haven't always had the strongest relationship with my family but something inside me changed. Our family was changing and I wanted to be present and accounted for during that change. I wanted to be a part of my nephew's life so that when he gets older, Kyla and Taufiq have someone they can rely on and Anas can turn to me for advice. Not only that but it made me begin to think about my future and the influence I'll have on my kids and what my potential future husband should be like. I like how my sisters and I turned out. While we're nowhere near perfect, I think we've turned out really well and I hope my future kids have the same views on life. You need to step outside your bubble because the world is a big place and stop trying to impress others but rather impress yourself, have as many adventures as possible but the best bed and the best food is always in the place where people love you the most. I'd like to stress the food part of that sentence because my father and I will cook the same thing and his comes out way better than mine.
Anyway, getting back to my original point, I had a moment of realization that even though I get to spend all this time playing with Anas and teaching him to give high fives (and low ones), he won't remember any of this time we had together. We will still have plenty of Skype dates but I won't be able to hold him and play with him. It really made me sad. I mean he's just getting used to me and doesn't cry when I pick him up.
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| Sous chef Anas helping in the kitchen |
On the note of happiness and self-contentment, I'd like to mention a friend's film project he and his friend are trying to get off the ground. It's called
"Pursuing Happiness" and I'm sorry for not being so tech-savvy because I don't know how to embed this video but even if you can't or, let's be honest, don't feel like donating, it's worth a watch.
