Dark future with some well-lit corridors.

Money has always been a source of so much stress in my life. I became so desperate to make enough (or feel like I was making enough) that I had two jobs plus an internship and trying to do freelance while balance a social life. My sleep and eating habits were affected, my weight dropped to an unhealthy low and I was miserable. I also tend to have too much pride when it comes to money so I absolutely hate asking my parents (who are far from rich people) for anything because I feel too guilty and want to pay them back but I often don't make enough to pay them back fully. I've tried to let go some pride over the past couple years and since I've been home I am so incredibly grateful to mom and dad for treating me to even the basic necessities (like the 7 pairs of long wool socks for the cold winter). They even bought me new luggage for my upcoming birthday. Luggage is expensive. I've been using the luggage that my family bought some time before my older sister went to college which was around 2002 and the set has been abused. When the wheel broke off of one suitcase while I was moving out of my old apartment, I think my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to invest in some decent luggage.

A hot topic in the U.S. over the past couple years is the devastating cost of a higher education and the lack of even decent-paying jobs available to young graduates. Students are left with mountains of debt and no way to pay it off. This is not the main cause but a factor in the decrease of car sales and home ownership because young people simply can't afford it. This, of course, is my story. Like I said, two jobs, an internship, freelance, and non-existent social life. I can afford my monthly payments but with 50% or more of it going to interest I've hardly made a dent in my loans. STRESS. How can I even attempt to prepare for my future life with like a husband, kids, a house, college funds, cars, etc. when I can't even get out of the water myself? I'd also like to throw in that I very sparingly use a credit card. Like I never like to go above $150/$200 because I know I'll struggle so hard to pay off anything higher. I don't have that much in debt compared to a lot of friends but it's still an incredible amount for someone who has been busting her butt at a clothing retail store for the past 4 years, made it up to a sort of administrative position, and still only made a little over $10/hour. Once you factor in taxes, rent, groceries, travel, and student loans, you don't have that much left over. And then when your company decides to cut your hours from around 30/35 hours a week to a measly 24, it really hurts. You aren't making enough money AND hey, you just lost your benefits. Awesome. Thanks a ton.

I have made some changes in my life that have made me a lot happier but I still struggle with money. However, my parents, being the amazing saintly, good people that they are, have said that once my younger sister finishes college, they would prefer to see their children out of debt and want to help us out. This is amazing for me because no that I have a job that I love, I am really interested in going to graduate school. My goal is to bring my actual student loan debt (not including interest) down to at least $12,000 before I apply. Realistically I can do that on my own if I really truly budget myself over the next 2 years. But after a talk with my dad I might be able to do it sooner. I know I'm getting ahead of myself because life is cruel and things happen so I can't really count on a super cheery, happy ending  but I can still hope and make du'a to Allah.

I am woman, hear me giggle and squeak.

So watching the video introducing my friend Nicholas's documentary "Pursuing Happiness" really struck a chord with me.  The past year I've done a lot of soul searching to find out what makes me happy and how I want to impact the world. If you didn't already know, Malala Yusafzai, the young Pakistani girl whom the Taliban attempted to assassinate last year delivered a speech to the UN the week on her 16th birthday. If you haven't already watched it, I'll give you a moment to do so.

I was so moved by her words, the words of a 16-year old that I cried. And I cried when I talked to my dad about it. It's no surprise, I cry easily but the only thing coherent thing that came out of my mouth whilst crying was, "What a beautiful person." As my older sister, Kyla, said, I loved what she had to say as a woman, as a Pakistani, as a Muslim, as a young person, and in general, as a human being. I've decided at this point in my life I know what I want my legacy to be. In the future biography of me, I want to be known as an activist for women's education.

This is a major problem in our world, even at home in the U.S. Girls around the world are denied an education or flat out don't have the opportunity to go to school. Here at home, young women are not encouraged enough to pursue careers in math and science fields. I went to a private liberal arts college in Boston and I think the ratio of women to men at the time I attended was about 70:30. Yeah. I think a lot of it has to do with the expected gender roles of little girls and how they really haven't changed at all since forever.

One of my current favorite websites to visit (upworthy.com) recently uploaded a video about a new toy for girls that promotes engineering and problem-solving skills at a young age. I'd totally buy that for my girl. This is not to say I'm putting down the arts, I love the arts! The arts as far as I'm concerned. the arts is where it's at. I wasn't bad at science or math (except for calculus...first C ever in my life) but from a very early age I really loved to read and write, you can ask my parents. But if I had been encouraged to do something along the lines of this new Goldieblox engineering toy, who knows?

As for getting more global, a project that I have really been interested in is Skateistan. It really makes me wish I knew how to skateboard and the Dari language. This program targets young girls in Afghanistan (and now Cambodia!), giving them the opportunity at an education and the chance to learn a really cool skill.

I try to keep up with foreign affairs as much as possible because my parents always encouraged me and my sisters to be aware of the world around us. On top of that a professor from college scolded my class for not knowing about anything about the Bosnian War in the early to mid 90s (ahem, I was aware fyi) and said that you cannot be a good writer or even a good person if you don't pay attention to your world. While I know some people that would argue that in the case of several classical writers, I think he's right. We have such a globally connected world that you can't just ignore a part of it because you don't like it. Be aware and try to have a positive influence on the parts that don't work so well. Education is the first step understanding and compromise on both sides. Just imagine what that little girl picking her nose on the bus could grow up to be. I'm not a scary hooded figure and I'm not just a pretty face. I am an advocate, an activist, and representative for the education of everyone, of Muslim women, the Oxford comma, and the belief baked goods are good bandages for bad days. 

Thinking of all of this makes me swell with pride (and more tears, I can't help it) and this is just the sort of positivity I want to push forward in the world. What makes you happy?