Don't speak the language? Never mind!

It's the winter holiday now and I'm in Poland. It's ridiculously warm here. It feels like early spring. This is the first time ever that I'm staying in a hostel. It's weird. I usually couchsurf when I travel but my host never responded to my messages so I booked a hostel instead. The past couple days I've been in Josseline's hometown, Korenov, which is up in the Jizerka mountains right on the Czech-Polish border. Jossi's parents fed me until I thought I would burst but the food was so delicious. Jossi's father is Lebanese and so he made fatayer, nammourah, and kufta. Jossi's mom made lots of Christmas sweets, schnitzel, and potato salad. I showed them how to make chocolate chip cookies and apple pie. That night Jossi's family opened their Christmas presents Jossi and I hiked up to this watch tower called Štêpanka. The air pressure made my ears hurt so much but we got used to the wind after a while. After we got home, we sat in the kitchen with a hot cup of tea and Jossi's mom told me the older German version of the Popelka (Cinderella). The wind was howling so much that it shook the house really hard. Later in the evening Jossi's brother and his family came and they opened their presents. Jossi's nephew really reminds me of Anas. They're around the same age. They have the same personalities. It really felt as close to home as I could get while being so far away. They welcomed me back any time especially when there is more snow so we can all go skiing. For now I'm sitting in the hostel in Wroclaw chilling with these two:

I'll spend the next day here and then I'll head to Kraków. :)

You can never have too much stuffing.

I know it's been a while since I last updated but it's been an extremely hectic month. Among teaching my flatmate and I threw a Thanksgiving dinner party for some friends. It felt so amazing to have cooked all that food because I've never cooked a turkey before let alone an entire dinner for 10 or so people. Now it's finished and we have so many leftovers but at least we won't have to cook for a week. Now things are calming down a little (just a little) and it's time to enjoy the Christmas season in Europe. Even though I don't celebrate I love the festiveness of any holiday and I find Christmas to be especially beautiful. I love going to the Christmas markets and wandering around for hours looking at the little trinkets and toys and eating toasty, sweet pastries. I am quite the happy kitty. This past Sunday, Mariia, Josseline, and I met up with Mariia's friend, Olga at the Christmas market at the museum and spent a couple hours there. I'm headed to Poland next week for a little more shopping (but not too much since I don't have a need for anything nor do I need to buy presents for anyone). Then there is a Christmas dinner that one of the foreigners organizations is throwing so people can experience a traditional Czech Christmas dinner (carp and some fish soup) so that will be nice. Then there are some films and other foreigners meetings I want to go to and Mariia and I still must figure out where we're going for the winter vacation. My plans change so frequently. It's just that there are so many options! First I wanted to go to Sarajevo (which I still want to but maybe in the spring), then we decided to go to Poland and now we're thinking about Barcelona or Amsterdam! I have no objections to any of those places but we're trying to stay on the cheap side. I would really wouldn't mind going to Amsterdam because that would mean I wouldn't have a problem finding yummy Indonesian food. :) And I've heard it's such a nice city so it would be lovely to walk around there for a couple of days. We'll see. Nothing is final until we buy the tickets. :)

Also I'm starting to look at jobs in Japan and South Korea. I've heard the pay there is good and as much as I love being in Europe, I would really like to pay off my student loans so that I can start looking into doing my master's degree (looking at a cool program in Spain but I have to improve my Spanish and learn Catalan). Either country would be cool and I think it would be quite cheap to fly to other places in Asia, say, Indonesia? :) It's too early to tell but I have another problem. I don't know how to nicely tell my bosses I won't be staying for another year. And it's not just about money, it's about my personal life as well. I think it's time to start looking for a nice Muslim guy and society here is quite limited. Life is complicated and it always will be but at least for now I can enjoy the sunset from the cafe where I'm sitting in Ulrichovo Namesti and only think about that delicious stuffing I'm going to eat once I get home. :)

Overflow and then depart.

I was out for my Saturday afternoon walk yesterday, trying to clear my head of all the large life questions that float so close to the surface on quiet weekends. I was listening to my iPod as usual. The sun was starting to set so I decided to catch a bus home. "Bad Religion" by Frank Ocean started to play. I feel I should preface this by saying it is not a song denigrating Islam. When he sang that first "Allahu akbar" I paused. I felt something hit my heart hard. I started to tear up.

Once I got home I did salah and Skyped with Kyla. On top of needing to speak to someone I felt had a good connection to our religion, I just plain needed my older sister. I knew she would have some words of wisdom and comfort for me. And of course, she did. I felt a lot better after talking to her. I know I need a little more time to think about things and to keep making du'a that Allah helps me figure out what my next move is and I know He won't abandon me as long as I don't abandon Him.

I also talked with Mladen who can always cheer me up by pointing out that I'm dramatic and overcomplicate things. He said to just stop thinking so much and go. It's one year, what could happen?

Today I received a message of love and support from my mom. I really needed all of this. I needed to cry. I needed to release this tension. I needed to be reminded that I'm never alone. I needed to cook a good dinner and finish it off with some chocolate. I needed my sister. I needed to see my silly nephew. I needed that message from my mom. Maybe I am a bit dramatic but this is a new experience in my life and it's difficult. I know I just have to keep pushing through and eventually I'll get to where I'm going, wherever that is.

Ship and sea analogies.

Rough sailing. Hardships (get it? Hard ships? Bad joke, I know), stormy seas, and all that. I'm sick...again. This is not really what I expected to be one of my bigger problems while living abroad. I talked to my boss and she said when Americans come over here they usually have a really tough time dealing with local virus strains. I feel so weak here sometimes. On top of that, the weather is so gloomy so frequently that my everything feels like it's standing still: time, life, my brain, my body. I can't do anything about the weather but as far as the illness thing goes I remember when I was younger, my parents would always tell me not to be so upset when you get hurt or sick because everything comes from Allah. It could be that this could have prevented me from doing something or to cleanse me of something physical or spiritual, I don't know. Maria gave me some medicine for my throat and nose so insha Allah, it will help. I'm trying to look at this in a more positive light. Hopefully when it's over I'll be a little stronger, a little brighter.

And with all these clouds, which frequently give me these headaches because I think I'm straining my eyes so much, it really makes me appreciate sunny days. Trying to stay positive is hard sometimes but nothing worth anything is easy.

On a more positive note, Maria and I went to Prague last night for a vegan cooking night. We met some more foreigners: a girl from Poland, a guy from Germany, a guy from Belgium, and a guy from Czech. It was fun and we had great a night just talking and enjoying dinner. It was really fun. I want more of these types of activities. It's so quiet in Hradec. I think it's time to move back to a larger city.

Climbing stairs in the dark.

I've been doing a lot of thinking (surprise, surprise), trying to figure out my next step in life. I kind of feel like I'm tapping my toes around in the dark, trying to feel for the next step. I know there is a step there but I'm unsure what is there exactly and yet I'm scared to step forward. But I can't stay in a dark stairwell forever.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. So much has happened in such little time. Let's try to recap:

1) Eid-ul-Adha, I was able to take off the morning to go to salah but when I tried to catch a bus to teach my afternoon classes, I found out the bus I would normally take doesn't go to that area. Cue panic. I had to find someone who spoke English who could maybe tell me the number of a cab company. Luckily I found someone and she helped me find a cab that, as it turns out, specializes in transportation for English-speaking foreigners.

2) Psychosomatic symptoms of stress are delivered in the form of strained neck muscles.

3) I went to the Prague Signal Festival with some friends from HK. It was really cool. There were all these light installations all over the city and some short films projected onto buildings. We returned to HK at 2 a.m. I was so exhausted.

4) I was swarmed by a group of second graders one morning and offered me parts of their snacks. I received several halves of biscuits, dried fruit, and some chocolate.

5) An older student called me a terrorist. I told him it was really hurtful and that I really work hard so that people don't think this about me and my brothers and sisters. I know he didn't really mean it but he's just the sort of person who doesn't knowwhen to stop with jokes. Another student hit him on the head and told him he was a stupid terrorist.

6) A student tried to kiss me. I deflected with a book. I believe it was innocent because he proceeded to tell me that I was a 1* (Czech school equivalent to a U.S. school's A+) teacher, giggled and ran off. It has happened before but he is getting a little old and I think his parents should probably have a talk with him.

Annnnd I think I want to move to Prague. I have been talking with my parents and friends and they think it's a good idea. I like being out in HK but it's just too small. It would be better if I was older and had a family but I'm not at that stage of my life just yet. And my chances of meeting someone (a romantic someone) out here are really slim. I think it's time for me to move on. I'm not finished searching. I still have a ways to climb.

Contrary to popular belief, I do have an off switch.

I am not an English grammar/spelling machine. I am not the grammar police once I step outside of the classroom. Once I leave the classroom I turn that switch off. My brain likes to think about different things like chocolate and my next cup of coffee or contemplating whether I should wear that sweater with the slightly smelly armpits or stick it in the wash and wear something else.

While at social events or in passing many people comment to me that their English is terrible but I'll let you in on a secret: I'm not paying attention to see if you used the present perfect continuous tense properly. I'm so incredibly grateful for normal human interaction with people older than 13 and to whom I don't have to explain a grammar rule. I think my brain would explode if I had my English teacher switch turned on all the time. The only thing that activates the grammar machine outside of class is if someone uttered something completely nonsensical. I'm used to being around non-native English speakers and I'm used to mispronounced words and slightly garbled mixed sentences but I understand the overall message.

Flattery and the art of illusion.

I'm trying to find a winter jacket. Not a difficult task, right? Wrong. Much like trying to find pants that fit me properly or a dress that fits nicely is always an awkward and arduous task. I, like my sisters, all have very small upper bodies and thin legs but big hips. But because we're so small in every other way, it looks like we're smaller than we are. Here are things to consider about shopping for a coat:

1) Is it thick enough? (Normal question. It gets cold out here and I spend quite a bit of time outside during my day so it's a good, standard question)

2) Is it long enough? Waist to hip ratio and thickness of bottom region causes materials to rise more than you would expect and if any piece of clothing is chosen improperly, uncomfortable drafts and embarrassing flashes of flesh may occur.

3) Is it wide enough and slim enough? Fits my upper body = loss of proper blood circulation and occasionally causes mummy walk because of restricted hip room. Fits my hips = carrying a blimp in my bra.

Oh the troubles of being a lady.

It was cute today when the saleswoman gave me a funny look when I told her the size 6 coat she pulled out for me might be a little small.

It's like when my students think I'm 17 or 18 and then I tell them I'm 25. They're so shocked. These people flatter me so.