It never gets easy.

Whenever I have a bad day or am feeling sad, I look at pictures of my nephew. Seeing his smile makes me feel like everything will be okay. 

Rollerblading is a gateway sport to masochism.

I apologize. I know it's been nearly a month since I posted but things have been crazy busy. I've been traveling, enjoying the warm weather, making some new friends, etc. I'm so excited to go back to the States. I love it here in Czech but I can't wait to be surrounded by friends and family. When I think about flying home, I just keep imagining walking into JFK, walking out of the terminal, and seeing my dad's goofy, happy face. I want to hug my mom like I've never hugged her before, I want to tackle and squish my sisters, and of course, dote on my little nephew whom I have dubbed Pineapple.

I made a really stupid mistake when booking my flight. I was too focused on the cheapest flight that I didn't realize that I booked my flight for one of the projected dates of Eid-ul-Fitr. If Eid is on that day, I can still go to the mosque with my family but I have to leave the festivities early to get to NY. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am looking into changing my flight but it looks like it might be crazy expensive.

In other news, I found out today that my one of my favorite students and I share the same birthday. I knew we were connected in some awesome way. Kindred spirits. She's 8 and she's super sweet, awesome, smart, and silly. We spent every Tuesday giggling, making funny faces, reading books, and playing games. I adore that girl. I wish I could tell her parents what a pleasure it is to have her as a student without sounding creepy. She and her family are going to Greece this summer and so she asked her father how they will speak in Greece. When her father told her they would have to speak in English, she got so excited and nervous because her contact with other English-speakers pretty much doesn't exist outside me, some practice with her family and classmates. But I am not worried about her because I know she's going to rock it. I wish I could do something even more to encourage her. Maybe I can convince some friends or family to take a picture saying hello or make a video of people I know rooting her on. I feel like such a proud mama bird. I know I am not supposed to play favorites but she's such a gem, her personality is infectious.

I am still working on the whole getting fit thing. I woke up this morning to several bruises after a hilarious attempt to rollerblade with Jenda. He also thinks we should start running. Hah. Don't you people know that I try to minimize my embarrassing moments as much as I can? If I'm doing any running, it's at 2 a.m. when everyone is sleeping.

Lost and lethargic in a labyrinth.

I'm happy the school system here in HK is fond of taking vacation days. We were only supposed to have next Wednesday off for Labor Day but the headmasters met and agreed to also take Monday and Tuesday. This is especially good news for me because I think I'm still am dealing with some deeper issues. Homesickness, life confusion (dreams of mazes), Boston, etc. I am in need of a long, strong bear hug. Here is just a preview of the my fogged up brain:

Last night I kept waking up every hour or so. I was so exhausted in the morning when I took a shower, it wasn't until my hair started to dry and my hair felt sticky that I realized I forgot to rinse the conditioner. I proceeded to burned my bagel and spill coffee on myself twice.

I need to relax.

Operation: GABBIS

Or "Get Ari's butt back into shape".

I used to be so active but then I graduated college and had to start paying extra for gyms and even though I love running, I'm super self-conscious about running in public. I get this whole idea that people are staring at me and laughing on the inside and thinking, "Look at fatty run." It's weird. I'm quite slim. I'm aware my brain is loopy. Moving on.

I really miss playing volleyball. It kept me moving, I had a lot of fun, and I really liked being able to assert my power. If you don't know this, I'm really small (5'3" or something like 160 cm if I remember correctly). People don't take me seriously which is why I often dress up and wear tall shoes, I look about as old as my 13-year old students, and it makes me feel a little powerless sometimes so to feel like I had some power was really freaking awesome. Well unless I can find a group of people who don't mind a small American who barely speaks any Czech playing with them, I guess late night runs will suffice. I'll just have to duck behind a trashcan if I see someone on the street.

Also in news today, I broke a knife in half.

Feeling better.

Sorry about the rant yesterday. I had a talk with Anisha and I'm feeling a little better. I am finally starting to settle into life here and it's really frustrating to realize I don't have the same people who made the U.S. my home. I know I have to get over the hill and everything will be fine. Anisha said it took several months after moving to Boston for her to start to make really good friends. Perhaps it will be the same for me. I do have a few friends here in Hradec and for that I'm grateful. I guess to me it just seems like everyone has their own full lives with friends, family, love, and their career and it made me feel so half full. I just have to keep focusing on the reason why I came here because teaching does make me very happy. I should take my own advice and be happy with what I have and not focus on what others have.

Homesick? Friendsick?

I got stung with a huge amount of homesickness today. It really hit me Monday and Tuesday when I realized I had no one here in Hradec to really talk to. I don't mean "Hey, how are you? How's work?" those are just social niceties we pay. No one really wants to hear sob stories. This is why I keep my distance from people because I know they don't want to hear it. Whenever I try to reach out to someone I just kind of have it slapped back in my face. I had a handful of people back in U.S. who were ready for me with a hug and perhaps some chocolate when I needed and they didn't care if it was in the middle of the day or at midnight. I don't have that here.

It's easy for people to say, 'Oh you should go make friends with the university students." No it's not easy. I'm a very shy person. I don't like huge events with so many people. I like small groups of people.  People with whom I can be intimate. I haven't had a proper hug in months. I think that's a huge part of it. Hugs. When someone gives me a proper hug and I mean a strong hug so that I can feel the love, I feel a thousand times better. It makes me feel like someone might not get it but they know it's important to me. I feel like that sounds a bit selfish but I think it's human nature to crave these sorts of things.

I'm sorry for the rant, I'm just feeling so incredibly overwhelmed and lonely.

Boston Love.

A design by Aaron Bouvier, a Boston-based designer.

I hope he makes this into a t-shirt. I would buy it.

UPDATE!!!

This design has been made into a T-shirt (and tote bag and print) and proceeds go to help the families affected by the bombings! Yay! These would make a great present for yourself or those Bostonians in your life! :)