When his tense passes from present to past.

My grandfather passed away last night. He had been having health problems for quite some time and had been in and out of hospitals for the past year. My problem on top of this is that I’m not at home in Massachusetts; I am in the middle of working at a summer camp in Spain on the beach. I was in the middle of a conversation with my teenage students about the best and worst days in our lives. I picked this topic because I had received news about my grandfather’s failing heart the previous day. The news was very upsetting and my directors gave me the morning off to try to call home and see if arrangements needed to be made for me to fly home. My students were very confused as to why I wasn’t joining them for the morning session but I explained to them later that my grandfather was very ill and we weren’t sure if he would pull through. So course, what a perfect time to learn of his passing as we all sat around the camp table sharing stories about our loved ones passing or parents getting divorced. I knew as soon as my phone rang and it said “private number” that I needed to separate myself from the group. Surely enough it was my older sister, Kyla. Grandpa had passed away in the night. He developed a high fever and the pneumonia and the doctors told my grandmother she had a make a decision whether they should pull the plug. My grandfather did not want to be resuscitated. How do you cope when something like this happens and you are so far away and you can’t comfort your grieving family or even yourself because you’re in a foreign land surrounded by foreign faces and several languages you don’t understand? I’m doing the only thing I know how to do, I am writing. My students did their best to comfort me, the older ones hugged me and the little ones drew me pictures but I’m stuck in a place where I don’t know what my next actions should be. What do you do when a person’s tense shifts from the present to the past and you are thousands of miles away? Do you go home? Do you stay? Should I carry on teaching? Am I emotionally capable of teaching at this moment? I was taught not to let your grieving overcome you. Death is the balance of life and it will happen to everyone and everything. It can happen at any moment and I suppose we are lucky if we do live to an old age. My main wish and concern is my mother. If anything I want to be home to be there for her. I don’t know exactly what that would mean doing. Kyla said she will call me with further details later so I guess all I can do now is wait.

Exporting my future.

It's late here in Czech but I got caught up watching a documentary released a couple years ago called "Waiting for Superman" which discussed the failing public school system in the United States. It followed the lives of about 5 students across the U.S. who were from mostly low-income families and who were attending low-performance schools. It was heartbreaking. I don't come from a wealthy family and I know how terrible the school system can be. The lack of funds, good teachers, materials, and the effect it has on the community. I think my education was okay but is definitely leagues behind a lot of my college classmates and friends who were educated in foreign countries. I wanted to address a couple issues that were highlighted in the documentary.

1) Good teachers are hard to find. Yes, yes, and yes. Again I lucked out. I had some good teachers and partially due to the selective Advanced Placement program so I did okay. But seeing the rest of my classmates and a lot of teachers around the city, state, and country are what turned me against becoming a teacher. I am so terrified that if I became a teacher, I would quickly become jaded and fall into the category of "educators" that I naively tried to fight against when I entered the field. I'd hate my life, I'd hate my students, and I can't make anyone's life better. What makes me happy here is that most of my students try really hard. I try to make my classes fun (still trying out different methods) and it makes me so happy when they succeed. To see that potential in someone and help bring it out makes me feel such a sense of pride.

2) Community and family. It is so incredibly important to have family and community supporting you. By the time I graduated high school around 40% of kids in my graduating class had either moved or dropped out. There were bomb threats, shootings at other schools in the district, constant gang fights, etc. As of now, I don't want to raise a family in the U.S. because this type of environment was too common. I appreciate the values of diversity and thrift I learned from my experience and learned that love and support from family members and teachers alike is invaluable to a child's success so for that I'm grateful but if I can manage it, I wouldn't put my kids through it (unless private/boarding schools were within our family's price range).

It's a lot to think about this early in life but it can't hurt to give it some thought. I've always had a lot of respect for teachers because I've seen what they put up with and it's really rough. After watching this documentary I have even more respect for the the ones who pushed me and the classmates daring enough to enter the jungle of the Springfield Public School system.

Oh and watch "Waiting for Superman."

Not enough cooks in the kitchen.

I forgot to mention earlier that I got into a fight with our oven last night. I really wanted to cook some chicken because that's what adults do, right? They cook chicken and stuff. But when there is no one around to show you how to work the damn oven because when you press what you assume is the "on" button and nothing happens and the entire instructional manual is in an language you don't understand, you and your chicken start to panic a little. By the time I figured out how to work it, it was too late to start marinating so I just had pita bread with zaatar and baklawa I brought from home. These things take time.

We have a little friend in our flat. He was an orphan and my flatmates (two of whom I've finally met) adopted him. Say hello to Oskar!

I'm a happy allergic person.

My allergies are precisely the reason why I cannot become a crazy cat lady. 

Forks and other multi-pronged utensils in the road.

Maybe it's because I haven't readjusted to living in Czech just yet but for some reason I came to the decision that I don't think I will stay here after this year. Perhaps it's time to move on. I don't know why I came to this decision. The city is beautiful and I love my students, my directors, and the few friends I've made but something doesn't feel quite right to me. I think perhaps it's because I just came home from seeing my family and I miss them so incredibly much. Perhaps these feelings will go away in a week but I've started looking at positions in Turkey and Bosnia.

Edit: My friend Matyáš said I sounded too sad in this post so let me clarify. I think my time here in Czech is just the threshold of my journey. There is something deeper to be discovered and after jumping into this, stopping here would be unjust to myself. We'll see as the year develops.

Globe trekkin' like Carmen Sandiego sans the thievery.

I'm trying to figure out where I want to go this year on my vacation. So far in the running are:

1. Paris
2. Amsterdam
3. Istanbul

Now I have some issues with each. Paris is expensive. I don't have much money. Paris and Amsterdam are so incredibly touristy and from what I've heard from a lot of people way too overrated. I know people have had a good time and I do want to see it at some point because well, it is Paris but I hate that so many people make such a big deal about it. It's kind of how I feel about Rome. It's a beautiful city but far from my favorite. And those who know me know I am defiant until the end and hate doing what everyone else is doing. I'm the girl who hated pink just because all girls I knew loved it. I guess Mladen is correct to call me a "hippy hipster lady." Moving on. I really would love to go to Istanbul but I'm unsure how concerned I should be in light of the protests and military presence. Anisha told me that a former coworker of ours was there and had to be evacuated out. That and I don't know about my budget just yet.

My cookie-obsessed Serb friend (I exaggerate but love to tease him about it) also suggested another point of interest that I had forgotten about: Sarajevo! I've wanted to go for quite some time (I also would love to visit Mostar) and it's a little more off-course than what people would expect. The architecture, the mosques, the food, etc. It'll be winter when I go but it will be the beginning of winter so hopefully it won't be too cold.

I guess my top picks right now are Istanbul and Sarajevo, we'll see which one works out. The other thing is that Turkey and Bosnia are both countries where I'd be interested in teaching. If you have any tips as to what I should see, where I should go, what I should eat, let me know!

In the meantime, the weather is so nice here in Czech. Anyone for a bike ride?

Don't mind me, just rolling around in my massive bed.

I've moved in to my new flat in HK (Hradec Králové, not Hong Kong). I guess it's a good thing my flight was scheduled for the day it was and not a day later. Even though I missed celebrating Eid ul Fitr with pretty much anyone, I missed out on moving in while it was thundering and pouring outside. My flight was fine. Before I got onto the plane the flight attendant scanning my passport complimented my henna and wished me a happy Eid. It was really nice of him. Downside: sat next to a man who was very friendly but had a bit of a gas problem for the first hour of the flight. Someone (I think a friend of his) finally gave him some sort of medication to help him with the problem.

I was so surprised to find that Czech was so hot when I arrived. I had to shed some layers and change shoes. I met my landlord for the first time. What a super nice guy. His English isn't the best but he did his best. He carried my suitcase up all five flights of stairs for me. I am still getting settled in but I have to say I am super excited because of the following reasons:

1. I have never had a bed bigger than a twin in all my life.
2. I have a gas stove again
3. I have a dishwasher (which I can live without since I actually find washing dishes soothing but having one does cut down on time)
4. The kitchen has slanted windows since the apartment is in the attic which is great for watching the rain fall.
5. Roof deck!

It's a pretty sweet deal. I'm happy. I actually spent the morning rolling around in my new bed. I won't have sheets for a couple days since my director who provides me with those is out of town but that's okay, I can deal. I already miss home and everyone. It wasn't enough time but that's what everyone says for the entirety of their lives. Strangely enough now that I'm on my own, I feel like I've forgotten how to cook. Maybe it's the jet lag and my brain still hasn't adjusted and the lack of groceries + the lack of funds to buy aforementioned groceries but I bought a bunch of Indomie because I just couldn't think of a single thing I wanted to cook. I'm also getting used to the new flat and trying to find everything. I spent a few minutes just trying to find the light switches in the kitchen.

I also don't know what to do with my time. I have a week before I leave for Spain and for some reason I don't remember what I would during downtime. I can't stay inside for too long so I went on a couple walks in between thunderstorms. I think this year I want to make more of an effort to make more friends especially at the masjid here. For those who know me, I'm sure you're saying to yourself, "Shut up, Ariana, you have tons of friends. You make friends everywhere you go." It's true that I'm a very friendly person but I'm also very shy. It takes a lot of energy and effort for me to put myself out there to strangers which I guess makes it seem a little weird that my current job requires so much extroversion. I all honesty I usually avoid large crowds of people because it just kind of makes me overwhelmed. This is why I also hate malls and major shopping centers because if there are too many people I will usually quickly browse and then just leave. If I have a friend with me it's okay but I really envy people who are completely within their element in a foreign environment. For those of you who don't know me, I am in no way completely socially inhibited. I do love socializing, just amongst familiar company with whom I feel like I can take a moment to just think. Most of my friends who live in HK have left either for vacation or to permanently. I haven't even met my flatmates yet. I heard one leaving this morning (I think) but I was too tired from traveling and moving in to care. I guess I'll just keep reading and writing and perhaps go for a run if I can muster the courage and energy. I kind of wish someone was around to play a board game with or watch a movie.

I'm sure I'll find my bearings in a little while, moving just takes some adjustment. Just like it'll take a while to adjust to all this bed estate but I think I'll be just fine.

I am always thinking about my stomach.

Nerves, stress, and the tetris game that is packing to head back to Czech. I'm so sad that I'm going to miss Eid at home but my family is sending me to the airport with some goodies (kue nastar, kue kering biji pala, putri ayu, and some chocolate).  I miss a lot of foods from home while living in Czech so I've had to become a little more resourceful and make these things from scratch. What kind of thing do you miss Ariana? Well, I'll tell you, Ariana. I miss bagels like crazy. Soft, squishy, toasty bagels with peanut butter or cream cheese or as a breakfast sandwich or bagel pizza when I'm too lazy to really cook anything. Bagels aren't really available in Czech. My former flatmate, Kristy, said she knew of two places in Praha but that's about it. One of my students who visits his American father in New York every summer and I had a bonding moment when discussing traveling. It went something like this:

Me: What foods will you eat this summer when you're traveling?
Lucie: I will stay home and eat ice cream!
Marek: I will eat pizza in Italy!
Ryan: I will visit my dad in New York and we'll have some good bagels.
Me: *pause* My sweet child, thank you! You understand. Bagels. Kids, listen to Ryan.

So because bagels are amazing rings of goodness clearly sent for the betterment of mankind, I will share the recipe (courtesy of Emeril Lagasse) I have been using for the past couple months. They're not quite like store-bought bagels but they're still delicious and have a nice crunch when you toast them up:

2 cups warm water (appx. 110 degrees Farenheit/43 Celsius)
.5 ounces of yeast (roughly 3 tsp)
4 tablespoons of sugar
5.5ish cups of flour
2 teaspoons of salt
2 teaspoons oil
cormeal
toppings if you want. I like onion or plain but do whatever feels right.

1) Pour the water into your mixing bowl. Stir in the yeast and only 3 tablespoons of the sugar. Make sure the water isn't too hot because then you'll kill your yeast. I made that mistake the first time I tried the recipe. Let it sit for 5 minutes.

2) Start adding in 4 cups of flour and the salt. Don't add it all at once, do a little bit at a time.

3) Mix in the rest of the flour by hand.

4) Place on a floured surface and start kneading as much flour in as you can. Do this for about 5 minutes.

5) Put 1 tsp of oil in a large bowl and spread it evenly around. Put the dough in and turn it over so it's covered in oil. Cover it and let it rise for an hour. Meanwhile grease a baking sheet or two with the remaining oil.

6) Take the dough out and punch it down. Cut it into 12 equal pieces. Roll each piece into a ball and then into a log about 6 inches long. I just figure if it can wrap around my hand that's long enough. Make the logs into circles and pinch the ends. Put them on the baking sheets, cover, and let sit for 20-30 minutes. Meanwhile preheat the oven to 400F/ 200C. Also, start boiling a large pot of water (I use a 12-cup pot) and add in the last tablespoon of sugar.

 

7) Boil each bagel for about two minutes. As I put the bagels in the pot I throw down some cornmeal so the bagels don't stick to the baking sheet. If you're putting on toppings, dip the tops of the bagels in the toppings now.

8) Bake the bagels for 20 minutes. And then you eat them with your mouth.