Occupation: Sightseer? Sightsee-er?

Soooo I'm in Rome. It's pretty much beautiful. Everywhere you turn there is something beautiful and ancient and I would just sit and stare for hours. But there is too much to see in just three full days. I met Karoliina who is from Greece (she's Greek and Finnish and exploring Europe during her gap year) and we've been hanging out and touring Rome. Yesterday was the Vatican Museum and around the city centre, today was the Colosseum and Trastevere (my favorite part of the city). I apologize as I am far too tired to really write or be witty and a nap sounds so good right now. I'll update more when I'm a little bouncier.

Neglect.

I'm a terrible blogger. I'm sorry it's been a while since I've posted. To be fair, a lot has happened. I hate drama. I don't deal well with drama. It only encourages dramatic behavior within myself and then I have a moment where I stop and think, "Ariana Marie. What in the world is your problem? Suck it up! Eat some chocolate! Do some pushups! Write a sad poem in your journal and move on!" Well this is kind of like a journal so here goes nothing:

Drama, a haiku.
Hey you, post office!
I need my medication
Don't be such a jerk.

So poetry isn't my strong point. Whatever. I was happy for about a week when the sun came out and the temperature warmed up a bit. I went on a nice walk along the river and took pictures of things I liked. I have a dinky little point-and-shoot camera which always makes me feel inadequate. But I really should be accustomed to it since most of my middle school students are about my height.

In two weeks I have February vacation. I don't call it spring break because it's not in spring. Whose idea was it to call that week spring break? I think he/she and I need to have a talk. I am so excited because I'm going to Rome!!! I booked my flight and now I just need to find somewhere to stay. My original host had a complication with the sleeping arrangement so I must find another place. If worse comes to worst, I'll book a hostel or hotel. I must run to my afternoon classes but I will leave you with another brilliant piece of poetry:

Children, another haiku.
Quiet now children,
Miss Teacher's ears are tired
How many more days?

There must be something in the water.

I find it very strange that my diet hasn't changed that much yet I can see the boost in my health via the state of my nails. They started growing much faster and are coming in much healthier. Before, my toenails would flake and were bumpy (gross, I'm sorry, whatever, it's life) and now they're smoothing out.

This leads me to believe there is some government conspiracy to make me a healthy, functioning human being.

THESE ARE PEOPLES' LIVES YOU'RE PLAYING WITH, PEOPLE.

Google will turn me into a hypochondriac.

Once in a while I have these weird feelings that I'm not myself. Like I'm watching my body but I'm not in my body. I decided to Google it and see if other people have had similar experiences. Basically what I found out is that I either have brain trauma or a dissociative disorder.

Googling symptoms is kind of how I felt back in middle school when you'd go to the nurse's office and whatever was wrong, whether it be you were shot in the back or actually had a headache, they would give you an aspirin and tell you to lie down for twenty minutes. But instead of aspirin they give you chemotherapy for everything and then just tell you you're better off dead.

If only they could understand.

So, I really do love my job. The little kids are hilarious and even if they drive me up the wall some days, I can never stay mad at them. I envy their simplicity and admire their open hearts. Here are some things I wish I could say to them but don't because they have no idea what I'm saying.

1) Okay, no matter how many times you say this phrase in Czech, I will not understand, I am very sorry. To show you I care, I will now start guessing and miming all the possible options I can think of.

2) Yes, hello Martin who likes to point his finger guns at me to say, "Hey English lady!", please continue to repeat the five English words you know. (Part of that is sarcastic but I wish I could sneak him into my class because he seems like he really wants to learn)

3) Oh hello again little girl, thank you for the hug and all the other hugs you give me every single time I set foot in this school but I'm sorry, I have no idea who you are.

4) Hello two little girls who like to stroke my clothing. I don't know how to respond when you do this, I have no idea who you are.

5) Kids, I know you think Gangnam Style is super fun and hilarious but at seven years old with a limited grasp of the English language, do you even know what a "sexy lady" is?

6) Yes, little girl, I know your name is Marketa. You've only repeated it to me every thirty seconds for the entire forty-five minute lesson. I think I got it. But just in case, next time, I'll bring name tags.

7) Little girls who insist on holding my hand while we walk to class, you make my job so worth while. Finally, validation from human beings that are not members of my family.

8) Crazy wild little boys, while I tend to yell and put you in the corner for misbehaving, you're so much more entertaining than watching T.V. The little, rare moments when you're unbelievably unselfish and sweet really make me want to cry out of happiness. It actually really makes me look forward to being a mom.

Stereotypes.

Before coming to Czech, I wanted to know what Czech people were like so I went to the source of all sources: Google. I read that people tended to have chilly dispositions but warmed to you rather quickly. I found that they were not far off. Actually everyone I've met here has been incredibly wonderful and helpful to an ignorant American (I try to be as polite and as little a nuisance as possible because well, I tend to be very awkward most of the time despite my numerous attempts to be graceful and composed).  Yesterday, I went to a restaurant for lunch and again, I very clearly stick out so the waitress almost immediately asked me if I'd like an English menu. I said yes but I could actually read most of the menu (I think).

Anyway, that's not the point of this entry. I had some down time today since classes don't start up again until Monday so I decided I would look on the internet what foreigners think of Americans. I already kind of know that people expect us to all be 200+ pounds, rude, flaky, and materialistic. Now I hope I don't come off that way. I do like my "me" time but that's because I, like many others in the entire world am a bit more of an introvert and while I like to be rowdy and have fun, too much external stimulation exhausts me. Anyway, I was so surprised to see how often people generalize Americans. I'm not saying everyone is completely wrong, I have seen and overheard people who meet this stereotype but in a country that's so incredibly diverse it's hard to just have one identity. We are a country of immigrants from all over the world and those of us who were born and raised in the U.S. are different according to our regional culture. Just because we're from the same country doesn't mean we're all the same. Personally, I think I differ from other Americans I grew up with because of 1) my religion and 2) my biracial background. It offered a unique perspective while growing up. But I think this is one of the great things about America. Yes, there are several, several, several flaws but it's a meeting place for all cultures and religions.

I met Kristy's friend, Paul, while we were staying in Praha. That night he commented on how most people have this over-generalized view of Americans while Kristy and I are proof that there are level-headed, kind, petite Americans.

Resolutions and Reflections.

Budapest was intensely fun. It's such a beautiful city. But really what made me appreciate the trip was the train ride. It gave me a long time to poke around my head (as I am fond of doing) but sometimes what you find in your head is not so wonderful.

The train ride gave me a lot of time to think about who I was in previous years, the emotional troubles in various aspects of my life. The lingering question on my mind is, "Is this really progress or am I still running away from something?" I guess it's a little hard to tell. I was talking with one of my friends roommates and was talking about my decision to move away from the U.S. and what I'm searching for. I think partially what I'm looking for are people who are like me. Who think like me and are sensitive to the same things. I guess I don't fully understand myself in a way. I know life is an endless struggle and I just have to keep having faith but sometimes it's difficult to have a strong heart when you haven't seen calm sea in years. I guess you just have to keep on keeping on.

I often ramble and chase my thoughts in circles trying to make sense of it all. I wish Chels was around. Or Amber. Or Anoush. Or anyone good at figuring out my head.

Maybe I just need a pet.