Hitting the ground walking at a fast yet steady pace.

I'm back from Istanbul and it was amazing. I miss living in a large city so much. I'm actually seriously considering teaching in Turkey for the next year. I think it would be a bit easier than living in Czech Republic. Czech is a great country but when the water is more expensive than the beer and pork is in everything on the menu and people aren't too keen on a Muslim teaching their children, I think I would be more comfortable somewhere else. Don't get me wrong, people have gotten to know me and are used to me but to those who don't know me, it can be a little off-putting. I really love my job here, my students are a handful but great. The 2nd grade pilot program has been going especially well although I think a different textbook would serve them better.

Anyway, I'm back to work and I'm trying to bring myself to apply for new jobs. I'm trying to focus on South Korea, Japan, and Turkey. I've actually even been considering going back home in a few years and maybe try to become state-certified to teach. There were some job postings in New York City and San Francisco that would be pretty cool. Living abroad has made me realize just how American I am and how much I love my home. I'm sure if I lived abroad long enough I would get used to a place but for me, the skyscrapers and the rush of the city and the familiarity, it's where I thrive. Who knows what's in the future?

Teacher, Entertainer, Boo-boo healer.

I love my job for the silly things I get to do. I realize it's strange that for me, growing up meant acting like a kid. I had to stop trying so hard and let things come naturally. There was second grader in my class who hit his head pretty hard on the board and started crying. I went over to him to make sure he was okay but I feel really helpless not speaking the language to be able to comfort him more so I pretended to inspect him (take his pulse, check his ears and his eyes), then I put my hand on his forehead and yelled, "ABRACADABRA ABRACADABRA BOOM!" and he and the class started to laugh. Then I told everyone to also say it so all the second graders yelled, "ABRACADABRA ABRACADABRA BOOM!" I asked him if he felt okay and he nodded and smiled and wiped away his tears. It felt so great to cheer him up like that.

Looking at all colors on the spectrum and even the blended bits in between.

It's been a crazy busy few weeks since I've come back from holiday. I'm trying to apply for new jobs, do my taxes, do my current work, read, study, etc. The days are far too short and I spend too much time at the computer. Even when I take breaks, they are at a computer but at least I get to chat with someone I enjoy, like my friend Mladen. We were discussing the Olympic opening ceremony in Sochi. I missed quite a bit of it due to my inability to find a good connection (and maybe my inability to stay awake while laying on a bed in a warm room). But there are of course some things that couldn't be missed. For example, the conditions for athletes, the whole anti-gay propaganda law and the mishap with one of the rings during the opening ceremony. I also stumbled across a fake Facebook film for President Putin. It gave me a chuckle but my friend seemed a little more bothered by it. I don't like to get too much into politics since I'm far from an expert and it's also not exactly the whole point of my post but I think people tend to blow things out of proportion. The media keeps portraying Putin and Russia as this mysterious, crazy evil force threatening our current way of life. Doesn't this sound all too familiar? Feminists, Muslims, homosexuals, the list goes on. There will always be some "evil" that "the good guys" must protect the world against. We can't allow ourselves to be so blind. I'm not saying the Russian president is without fault but we can't just assume we are the good guys and everyone else who goes against our ideas are bad. Without getting too much more into creating political debate, my point here is this: we usually create our own villains. There are some things that are universally agreed to be bad but for the most part things are not so black and white. I was thinking about this because I called someone a bad friend because I felt they were being really rude and unfair. After calming down and thinking about things I realized I didn't really understand what was going on. In some cases even if I try to understand, I just can't. Then who's the insensitive jerk? We're not perfect and we never will be because we are incredibly biased beings but we can at least try to do better. We need to open our eyes, read, think, try to understand and don't just follow something because we don't want to appear uninformed.

Anyway, I enjoyed what I did see of the ceremony. I did get a chuckle about someone's theory that the ring mishap was a big "screw you" to the U.S. since that ring once-upon-a-time represented the American continent.

In other news: I'm going to Istanbul! Rini and I booked our tickets yesterday.

Don't speak the language? Never mind!

It's the winter holiday now and I'm in Poland. It's ridiculously warm here. It feels like early spring. This is the first time ever that I'm staying in a hostel. It's weird. I usually couchsurf when I travel but my host never responded to my messages so I booked a hostel instead. The past couple days I've been in Josseline's hometown, Korenov, which is up in the Jizerka mountains right on the Czech-Polish border. Jossi's parents fed me until I thought I would burst but the food was so delicious. Jossi's father is Lebanese and so he made fatayer, nammourah, and kufta. Jossi's mom made lots of Christmas sweets, schnitzel, and potato salad. I showed them how to make chocolate chip cookies and apple pie. That night Jossi's family opened their Christmas presents Jossi and I hiked up to this watch tower called Štêpanka. The air pressure made my ears hurt so much but we got used to the wind after a while. After we got home, we sat in the kitchen with a hot cup of tea and Jossi's mom told me the older German version of the Popelka (Cinderella). The wind was howling so much that it shook the house really hard. Later in the evening Jossi's brother and his family came and they opened their presents. Jossi's nephew really reminds me of Anas. They're around the same age. They have the same personalities. It really felt as close to home as I could get while being so far away. They welcomed me back any time especially when there is more snow so we can all go skiing. For now I'm sitting in the hostel in Wroclaw chilling with these two:

I'll spend the next day here and then I'll head to Kraków. :)

You can never have too much stuffing.

I know it's been a while since I last updated but it's been an extremely hectic month. Among teaching my flatmate and I threw a Thanksgiving dinner party for some friends. It felt so amazing to have cooked all that food because I've never cooked a turkey before let alone an entire dinner for 10 or so people. Now it's finished and we have so many leftovers but at least we won't have to cook for a week. Now things are calming down a little (just a little) and it's time to enjoy the Christmas season in Europe. Even though I don't celebrate I love the festiveness of any holiday and I find Christmas to be especially beautiful. I love going to the Christmas markets and wandering around for hours looking at the little trinkets and toys and eating toasty, sweet pastries. I am quite the happy kitty. This past Sunday, Mariia, Josseline, and I met up with Mariia's friend, Olga at the Christmas market at the museum and spent a couple hours there. I'm headed to Poland next week for a little more shopping (but not too much since I don't have a need for anything nor do I need to buy presents for anyone). Then there is a Christmas dinner that one of the foreigners organizations is throwing so people can experience a traditional Czech Christmas dinner (carp and some fish soup) so that will be nice. Then there are some films and other foreigners meetings I want to go to and Mariia and I still must figure out where we're going for the winter vacation. My plans change so frequently. It's just that there are so many options! First I wanted to go to Sarajevo (which I still want to but maybe in the spring), then we decided to go to Poland and now we're thinking about Barcelona or Amsterdam! I have no objections to any of those places but we're trying to stay on the cheap side. I would really wouldn't mind going to Amsterdam because that would mean I wouldn't have a problem finding yummy Indonesian food. :) And I've heard it's such a nice city so it would be lovely to walk around there for a couple of days. We'll see. Nothing is final until we buy the tickets. :)

Also I'm starting to look at jobs in Japan and South Korea. I've heard the pay there is good and as much as I love being in Europe, I would really like to pay off my student loans so that I can start looking into doing my master's degree (looking at a cool program in Spain but I have to improve my Spanish and learn Catalan). Either country would be cool and I think it would be quite cheap to fly to other places in Asia, say, Indonesia? :) It's too early to tell but I have another problem. I don't know how to nicely tell my bosses I won't be staying for another year. And it's not just about money, it's about my personal life as well. I think it's time to start looking for a nice Muslim guy and society here is quite limited. Life is complicated and it always will be but at least for now I can enjoy the sunset from the cafe where I'm sitting in Ulrichovo Namesti and only think about that delicious stuffing I'm going to eat once I get home. :)

Overflow and then depart.

I was out for my Saturday afternoon walk yesterday, trying to clear my head of all the large life questions that float so close to the surface on quiet weekends. I was listening to my iPod as usual. The sun was starting to set so I decided to catch a bus home. "Bad Religion" by Frank Ocean started to play. I feel I should preface this by saying it is not a song denigrating Islam. When he sang that first "Allahu akbar" I paused. I felt something hit my heart hard. I started to tear up.

Once I got home I did salah and Skyped with Kyla. On top of needing to speak to someone I felt had a good connection to our religion, I just plain needed my older sister. I knew she would have some words of wisdom and comfort for me. And of course, she did. I felt a lot better after talking to her. I know I need a little more time to think about things and to keep making du'a that Allah helps me figure out what my next move is and I know He won't abandon me as long as I don't abandon Him.

I also talked with Mladen who can always cheer me up by pointing out that I'm dramatic and overcomplicate things. He said to just stop thinking so much and go. It's one year, what could happen?

Today I received a message of love and support from my mom. I really needed all of this. I needed to cry. I needed to release this tension. I needed to be reminded that I'm never alone. I needed to cook a good dinner and finish it off with some chocolate. I needed my sister. I needed to see my silly nephew. I needed that message from my mom. Maybe I am a bit dramatic but this is a new experience in my life and it's difficult. I know I just have to keep pushing through and eventually I'll get to where I'm going, wherever that is.

Ship and sea analogies.

Rough sailing. Hardships (get it? Hard ships? Bad joke, I know), stormy seas, and all that. I'm sick...again. This is not really what I expected to be one of my bigger problems while living abroad. I talked to my boss and she said when Americans come over here they usually have a really tough time dealing with local virus strains. I feel so weak here sometimes. On top of that, the weather is so gloomy so frequently that my everything feels like it's standing still: time, life, my brain, my body. I can't do anything about the weather but as far as the illness thing goes I remember when I was younger, my parents would always tell me not to be so upset when you get hurt or sick because everything comes from Allah. It could be that this could have prevented me from doing something or to cleanse me of something physical or spiritual, I don't know. Maria gave me some medicine for my throat and nose so insha Allah, it will help. I'm trying to look at this in a more positive light. Hopefully when it's over I'll be a little stronger, a little brighter.

And with all these clouds, which frequently give me these headaches because I think I'm straining my eyes so much, it really makes me appreciate sunny days. Trying to stay positive is hard sometimes but nothing worth anything is easy.

On a more positive note, Maria and I went to Prague last night for a vegan cooking night. We met some more foreigners: a girl from Poland, a guy from Germany, a guy from Belgium, and a guy from Czech. It was fun and we had great a night just talking and enjoying dinner. It was really fun. I want more of these types of activities. It's so quiet in Hradec. I think it's time to move back to a larger city.