I know I must be very frustrating to my family and friends. They should know by now that I've never been one to sit still. I can't stand being in one place for too long with the same people for too long. I get uncomfortable, agitated, and feel trapped. I guess you could call it something like cabin fever. I think spending so much time at home all the time when I was a kid made me this way. But actually I've always been like this. Ever since I was a kid I was always wandering off and doing things on my own. It terrified my parents, of course, but I did it regardless. I need to be somewhere I have a lot of freedom. Freedom to walk, freedom to explore on my own, freedom to see friends when I want to, not according to anyone's schedule but mine and my friend's. I guess in that way I'm selfish. It's not personal to anyone. I feel this way with everyone and everywhere. I need my me time and me time doesn't just mean being by myself. It means mental and physical distance not just from people but from a place.
I wonder what this means for any potential suitors. That what I always think of when someone inquires about me (for marriage, I mean). For example, an older guy asked my father about whether I would be interested in him or not. Age aside, I know my personality is too crazy to settle down in quiet little Western Massachusetts. If I were to marry a man settled in a place like this I think I might actually go crazy and make married life hell. I itch to move, I want to run. I always like being somewhere I know I can easily leave. I can't help but need to always have something new. I need someone who can keep up because I can't slow down. Just because I seem so flighty doesn't mean my absence is permanent, as long as there are people I love, I always come back.
It's just who I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment